Ambiguity. How well can you handle it?
- not knowing what someone’s true motives are,
- not knowing what tomorrow will hold,
- not understanding the expectations in a certain situation,
- not being able to reconcile Bible verse A with Bible verse B,
- not being able to solve life’s puzzles and mysteries.
How crazy do those kinds of circumstances make you?
Living abroad as a foreigner in a strange land has forced me to accept a life of greater ambiguity.
First there’s the language issue.To put it simply, when you’re a foreigner, there’s a lot that you just don’t understand. For example, I go to put some money on our telephone account expecting to put $50, but I’m only allowed to put $30 in.Why? The clerk explained it carefully, but I have no idea what she said.How do I react to that situation? Can I live without understanding the entire situation? Can I be satisfied that I at least put some money towards the bill and not dwell on the mystery that remains?
Next there’s the experience issue. In a strange land, you experience new situations that you’ve absolutely never faced before.You have no past experience to draw upon to solve the problem. You basically have two choices: discreetly watch how others are handling it, or just wing it with the best common sense you can muster. These experiences can range from the mundane – shopping in the open air market, using a public toilet, crossing the street – to the serious – giving a wedding gift, dealing with my toddler who hits and growls at curious onlookers, making a hospital visit. When I first came to China, I seriously did not know how to get dressed in the morning. I felt that I had no idea what the day might hold, and I felt totally incapable of even dressing myself appropriately.(I am not exaggerating! You can only imagine how I felt about cooking meals for my family and taking care of household repairs.)
Another area of ambiguity is the whole culture issue. It’s the overarching cause of the ambiguity. Language and experiences both can fit under this umbrella. I’ve discovered that Chinese people themselves are much more accepting of ambiguity than we (westerners/Americans) are.They simply don’t have the same need that we have for detail. It’s a common criticism of foreigners that we just ask too many questions and want to know too many specifics – exactly what time will the activity end? Will lunch be rice or noodles? Will the bus have air conditioning? Chinese people are much more willing to “go with the flow” and accept not knowing. They live more in the present and don’t plan ahead in minutia as I tend to do. So for a planner/organizer type of person (me!) to live among this culture is a real stretch of character!
Where is this going?I think that God has forced me to look at this whole issue of ambiguity by putting me here in China.
Am I willing to accept not knowing, not understanding, not being in control?
What am I trusting?
My ability to solve problems and plan ahead?
Or God’s sovereign hand?
Can I float on God’s flow?
Can I trust him to keep me afloat and provide what I need along the journey despite my own inadequacy?
Can I accept the mystery of God Himself?
Can I continue loving Him when I honestly don’t understand His ways?
Yes, I’m learning how to do all of that. I haven’t mastered it, but I’m “pressing on.”
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Awesome diatribe on ambiguity! You are truly a gifted writer. I am envious of your talent. Keep up the blogs!