Patterns of Communication

For my first two years in China, I thought that my main communication problem with Chinese people was the language barrier. That certainly was a huge obstacle, but even when my Mandarin was gaining in fluency, there still seemed to be huge misunderstandings and frustrations when talking with locals. I’ve realized that it’s not just the words, grammar, and pronunciation that matter. There are cultural patterns of communication that are peculiar to China.

One example is the tendency to answer a question with a question. It’s one of those things that (as a Westerner) really irritates me. In our culture, answering a question with a question is the result of poor listening skills or purposely evading the subject. Although that is sometimes the case here in China, I’ve learned that it is simply a common pattern of communication.

At the restaurant

Me: Do you have fish?
Waitress: Do you eat hot peppers?

At a store

Me: Do you have a thing that you put your dishes in after you wash them so that they can dry?
Saleslady: What do you want to do with it?

Then there are these kinds of conversations that for some reason do not seem to irritate Chinese people at all. But they remind me of a ridiculous Monty Python or SNL skit!

At the checkout counter where I need to buy some plastic bags. (In an effort to promote environmentalism, China has passed a new rule that stores cannot give plastic bags. Customers can purchase them or bring their own.)

Clerk: What size bag do you want – small, medium, or large?

Me: LargeClerk:We don’t have any large ones. All sold out.

Me:Okay, medium then.

Clerk:No medium ones either. Only small.

At a department store looking at bedding
Me:    What size is this?
Saleslady:   What size is your bed?
Me:    Please just tell me what size this is.
Saleslady:   What size is your bed?
Me:   180 cm. Is this 180 cm?
Saleslady:    No. It’s 150. But we have 180 cm.
Me:   Do you have 135 cm?
Saleslady:    That won’t fit. Your bed is 180 cm.
Me:   Do you have 135 cm?
Saleslady:    Yes, we do. Why do you want that?
Me:   I want to buy two – one that’s 180 cm and another that’s 135 cm.
Saleslady:   But these are not pretty. You should buy those over there. They are more attractive and they’re cheaper.
Me:    Thanks. But I really like these.
Saleslady:    But they’re not good. They’re ugly.
Me:    But I like them.
Saleslady:    Those are better.
Me: I want this kind. Can I buy them today?
Saleslady: Yes, I’ll go get them. (coming back with them) Here. But why do you want these ugly ones?
Me: Where do I pay? [See, I’m learning how to communicate!]

Again, at the department store, looking at two articles of bedding

Me:   What’s the price on these?
Saleslady:    (looking at UPC codes and pointing) It’s this price – 380.
Me: Are these both the same price?
Saleslady: Yes, the same. This one is 300. No, 225. And the other is 350. No, 325.
Me: So they are not the same price?
Saleslady:   I can give you a discount.
Me: Good! How much?
Saleslady:   (tapping on a calculator and showing me) This price for this one.
Me:    How much discount is that?
Saleslady:    20% off [finally a straight answer!]
Me:   I’ll take them!

And when shopping, there’s another pattern which involves trying to pry the price out of the salespeople and bargaining for a better price while they are trying to sell you on the item’s amazing features.

At an appliance store

Me: How much does this cost?
Saleslady:   That’s an oven for making cakes.
Me: Yes, I know. How much does it cost?
Saleslady: 800 RMB.
Me: Can you give me a discount?
Saleslady:   You can also use it to roast a chicken.
Me: Yes, I know. I see that. What about a discount?
Saleslady:   Let me show you how it works……

Unfortunately, these are all real examples, not fiction from my imagination. It’s quite trying on one’s patience… to say the least.

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