grilled fish with tofu
Emily asked a great question, “Does it insult the hostess if you are not interested in trying one of the dishes?”
Short answer — Yes, of course. (I always have to deal with my own hurt when local friends turn up their noses at my carefully prepared casseroles or desserts. “Cheese is gross!” “This is too sweet!” or of a salad, “These vegetables are not cooked!”)
But it’s not quite that simple. There are some loopholes you can use.
In our family, we believe that overall, we should eat what is offered to us. (There is some wisdom in a very popular book to that effect.) But as we’ve lived here longer, learned the language and culture, we’ve learned acceptable ways to refuse things.
noodles with beef
One popular strategy in my family is to focus on what you LOVE while avoiding what you find gross. That is, keep saying over and over, “This vegetable is delicious! What’s it called? How is is cooked? What’s it good for?” (Everything is good for some body part, and they always know.) This is in contrast to saying, “EWWW!!! Goat blood vessels! How repulsive. I would NEVER eat that. We don’t eat that in America. We throw that away!”
It also seems that if at least one of us eats something, it’s okay. If we all refuse it, that is bad. Between the three of us, we are able to manage to have at least one representative to taste an odd food.
Recently I ate ocean sand worms. Not bad actually, but I did force myself NOT to picture them in my mind or to look too closely at them. Just eat and keep on moving. Thinking is what gets you in trouble. I could look at the cook and give him some positive feedback, and no one seemed to notice that Sprite didn’t taste the worms.
Here are some of the odd things I’ve eaten in China:
- duck tongue (yes, they are awfully tiny)
- wild cat
- dog
- snake
- eel
- fungus
- pig stomach
- tiny frogs, whole
- rabbit
- pig tongue
eggplant
I need to explain an eating custom in China. It’s a sign of care and hospitality for people to serve you. That is, they use their own chopsticks to select a choice bit and put it into your bowl. Uninvited, unasked. They just do it. And it’s a sign of being polite to serve others in this way. That’s when it gets tricky. What your friend is selecting for you is surely in her mind the best thing on the table. But all you can think is, “Ugh, not more boiled eel!” So you either leave it in the bowl, or choke it down, or as a last resort use the “oops chopsticks” strategy.
I’ve also discovered that once people truly get to know you and realize that you do appreciate Chinese food, they are more accepting of your personal tastes. I think that if we complained about most of the dishes and hated everything, they would not be as willing to accommodate us. In fact, they would be offended. Most Chinese people take pride in their cuisine, so to reject their food is akin to rejecting them.
And Sam I Am is right. If you try it, you may like it. I’ve become a huge fan of tofu since living in China. It’s not simply because it’s so much better here (although it is). It’s also because I’ve consistently eaten it over many years. Over time, I truly did grow to love it. Now I actually crave tofu and order it at restaurants.
Now you can chime in with your sympathies or your own adventures in eating. And to comfort some of you who think, “I could never eat some of those things!” just remember that people all over the globe generally like to stick with familiar foods. It’s not really that Chinese people are more adventurous with their foods. These foods are common for them, so they enjoy them. When I offer them something radically different from their usual fare (say pizza or a chicken casserole or a very rich dessert), they tend to merely tolerate it just like I do with the duck tongues. So be comforted that those of us who are adventurous in eating — and I do consider myself one –are in the minority.
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Hi, I'm Jimmie, and this is my online collage -- a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but mostly homeschooling with a loosely Charlotte Mason style. You're welcome to poke around and leave a comment if you desire. 
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Somewhat random… my girlfriend went to several parts of Asia last year and that included China. I was so proud of her (but I was thinking, “Better you, than me!”) She managed to eat an entire BOWL of Stinky Tofu. I knew you would appreciate her bravery.
Besides that, as a Filipino-American, I can corroborate that at the very least try food that is served. Even if it’s a teeny, tiny piece. Growing up, and even now, a guest leaving your home hungry means somehow you’ve failed at being a good hostess. Kinda odd but there it is… My mom likes to make sure you can’t breathe when you leave her house… and you have a “To go” all packed up for later!
.-= Lainie@ Mishmash Maggie´s last blog ..What Does It Mean To "Take Up Your Cross" =-.
@Lainie–I think that as a Filipino-American, you’ve got an advantage on many people. You’ve got two food cultures that you can flow in and out of. I’ve got that same thing to a small degree just because of living in China 7+ years. So I can go with American food or Asian food. We tend to be more adventurous.
@Lisa — Too funny that you put peanut butter and tongue in the same yucky category! But we’re all different, aren’t’ we?
I personally think that eating diverse foods is wonderful! A. You’re not picky B. You’re willing to try and often enjoy new things C. You will make every host happy D. Variety is good nutritionally. But I still maintain that adventurous eaters are in the minority. Welcome to the club.
@Darya — Oh my! The whole food restrictions blows my mind. It would be SO hard to get used to and even harder to host guests. Yeesh…Yes, they would FREAK at the eating choices here. Totally, radically different. There really aren’t ANY taboos. (Did you know that people even eat human placenta as a medicine? It’s especially good for old people. This isn’t a food per se but more of Chinese medicine. Still shockingly gross. I would draw the line clearly there.) At any rate, as a guest in this land, I feel a responsibility to bend to their customs as much as conscience will allow. Fortunately I have no religious opposition to any type of food. Some of it simply grosses me out. But I don’t think it’s wrong to eat.
i love chinese food. and not just the stuff you get in the restraunts here in the states. mostly cause i grew up eating it. actually i grew up eating what most people think are strange and gross foods, but i love it. so it doesn’t bother me to much to try new foods. its the peanut butter i hate. weird yes, i know. i’ll take cuddlefish, sea snails and raw fish any day.
but the great thing in me growing up eating such diverse foods is my kids love it too. most of it. there are a few things they don’t like, ex. fermented soybeans. i love the stuff. but its okay just means i don’t have to share which with that i really don’t like to sharing that food. but my kids will tend to try strange foods on there own and aren’t as picky eaters as other kids are. cause they learned that they just might like it.
but i gotta say, duck tongue or tongue in that matter is something i won’t eat. i’ll try it but i’m not to big on that or stomache for that matter. but everything else on your list i’ve eaten at some point in time. but i commend you in your trying new stuff.
Jimmie – I just was sent a link to your website from a friend I only casually know… I had no idea you were such a blogger! I will have fun exploring your site!!!
Great entry! I can relate in some ways, probably in the reverse though. On the plus side, the culture here in general puts children on a pedestal so hosts always insist that we don’t force our children to have anything they don’t want to have. On the other hand they will undermine our authority in front of our children but we have learned how to deal with that.
There are a few different people groups here and all have specific recipes and dietary restrictions to do with their religions; times of the year or days of the week. Two of these groups don’t eat pork or blood products. Two of the groups eat seafood and crustaceans, one of the groups only eats fish. One of the groups only eats poultry and meat from sheep and cows, the other two groups are less restrictive and even eat meat from camels and donkeys. They would cringe at seeing your cuisine! One of the groups will not mix meat and dairy products in one meal and will not even eat in your home if you prepare food this way – example a meat lasagna. It is in the nature of each group to be competitive and scoff at the other groups’ cooking and basic ingredients. It is when we offer ‘our’ food that they tell us straight out, “This is not nice, you must come over and eat real food at our place!” The people of this culture can be quite arrogant and abrupt and we have learned not to be offended by this, in a way they are just extending hospitality. Our ex-pat friends from English speaking countries love ‘our’ food so that is how I know it isn’t just ‘my’ cooking.
.-= Darya´s last blog ..Discernment =-.
“Thinking is what gets you into trouble”
This cracks me up! I can totally understand.
I think this post applies to being a guest anywhere, anytime. I loved the line: “Most Chinese people take pride in their cuisine, so to reject their food is akin to rejecting them.” I think this is true for many cooks who use cooking as a way to express their creativity, not just a means to feed themselves and their families.
While my daughters are not picky eaters, they are reaching ages (10, 8 and 5) where they know what foods are familiar and what their own tastes prefer. I am trying to teach my daughters that it is fine for them to not like something, but that it’s not fine for them to talk about why they dislike it because their host or another guest may love that item. I like your strategy of finding something you really like to praise during the meal and will share that idea with my children as well – that way, they can orient their thinking towards sharing what their favorite item on the table is. A good lesson in gratitude and manners!
@Drue — Okay, I’ll eat extra tofu just for you!
Your story about the German party illustrated my point that most people (all over the world) are not very adventurous when it comes to food. The beet, orange and goat cheese sounds intriguing. I’d certainly give it a try. Bet I’d like it!
@ Shannon — You are so right about identity being tied to food, especially when you are the cook. But even at a restaurant it can be an issue.
@ Katie — You just have to tune it out. Chew and swallow. Glad to know you understand me.
We were invited to the “this end of our street” block party last summer and we all had to bring a dish. I thought I’d bring some baked beans and then a more adventurous dish of roasted beets, oranges and goat cheese salad with a hint of anise. The Germans brought potato salads, bland breads, and other dishes I can’t recall but thought lacked any kind of verve. I didn’t think they’d go for the beets but wanted it myself, so no worries, but I was highly surprised that they didn’t even approach the beans. Then I started looking around their cuisine and didn’t find many references to bean dishes. Hmmm. At the very least I thought they’d try something different, something “New World-y”, then I remembered where I was and longed to be in France, HA!
Oh yes, tofu in China is exquisite and while I cook it often at home it isn’t nearly as good as any “crack in the wall” restaurant there in China. Enjoy it often for those of us living vicariously!
I’m not in a foreign country, but even just the regional differences in the US are interesting. I grew up in the Midwest with very bland dishes (German!) When I met my husband from Texas (Houston) I was shocked by the spiciness of the food. Then even more so when I met his grandmother and tasted her dishes which were so strange to me like crawdad cornbread (which was really tasty!). I have sort of started cooking more like that, as DH likes it. I made a dish for MY family a bit ago, and I remember my dad spitting out the food telling and making a horrifying noise like I burned his whole esophagus up! I was so embarassed, but when I tasted it, it was spicy, but not too spicy. Almost all in my family (mom, dad, sisters, nephews) barely ate at all.
@ Julie –Your comment truly made me laugh. So much that both hubby and Sprite said, “What is it?” Your wording about the esophagus is what got me. I have to say that crawdad cornbread sounds AWESOME!! We can’t get good cornmeal, and cornbread is one thing we really miss. I usually bring over Martha White cornbread mix when we come from USA.
@ Tracy — Well you’d do well in China. Your mother was a bit fierce! Ask for more? Yeesh! She was one tough cookie! I like her.
@Marsha — I think you’d love a food tour of China! Come visit me and I’ll take you. Creepy crawlie things? Okay, drawing the line there.
Growing up my mom insisted that my brother and I eat whatever a hostess placed in front of us. I can still hear her voice in my head, “I don’t care if she puts fried bugs on your plate; you better eat them and ask for more.”
It’s funny because I strongly dislike fish/seafood. Strongly dislike. However, if you put it on my plate, I’ll eat it! I’m 40 years old and still worried that my mom is going to somehow find out and lecture me! lol!!
I did the same thing with my oldest son who is a very adventurous eater. My three littles- not so much but I haven’t given up hope!
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Stinkytoes! =-.
Mmmm… I love tofu! I can only imagine how delicious it must be over there, seeing as it’s fresh and not so prepackaged.
I think the yuckiest thing I have eaten is cow tongue. And that was at my grandpa’s farm here in TX, not Korea! I do have issues with some crunchy things… and anything that is moving or has creepy crawlies. *shudder* I clearly remember a bad dried fish incident when I was a child. Totally freaked me out to see these teeny tiny green things scampering about the fish!!!
.-= Marsha´s last blog ..Posse (homeschool style) =-.
I remember watching a documentary once about cultural tastes. They had a Chinese family and an American family trying something that was familiar to themselves but foreign to the other. The experiment included 100 day old duck egg and blue cheese. It was really humerus to watch each party’s reactions at tasting the “icky to them foreign food” and at the others’ reactions. It just goes to show that some things are simply acquired.
.-= Darya´s last blog ..what do you think? =-.
Chiming in a little late here, but I love when you do this kind of post! I so know what you mean about the tofu. After living here for a while I wanted to make some Japanese food for friends when I was back in the US. Boy was I surprised by the texture of the so called “silken” tofu! It was many times harder than Japanese “hard” tofu.
As I was reading I realized that I am pretty blessed. I think I was pretty adventurous anyway, but I have come to like most Japanese foods. Granted, in my opinion, most Japanese food isn’t as adventurous as some of your choices in China. While we do come across things that are repulsive to me, e.g., intestines, those kinds of things don’t show up much in everyday fare. Things that some Americans may find gross, like various sea vegetables (isn’t that nicer than “seaweed”?), or fermented soy beans are totally normal and loved by me now. In fact, I have fewer dislikes than my Japanese husband (he can’t stand fermented soy beans!).
On a cultural note, I think Japanese are less likely to get offended by a foreigner disliking some Japanese food. I sometimes think they like it. They love asking foreigners if they like to eat certain things (like the fermented soy beans), and while they are very impressed if the person says “yes”, they just smile with a knowing look if they say “no”. I also think that most Japanese hostesses would try their hardest to serve at least a few things that they believe would appeal to a foreigner. Whether it does or not is another question!
I think your advice to really praise the thing/s you like on the table is the best piece of advise I have heard yet.
.-= Sue´s last blog ..I’ll Be Back… =-.
Loved what you said about the knowing grin when a foreigner doesn’t like some Japanese food. I understand that. It’s sort of like, “Silly foreigner. He’s not “man” enough for the good stuff!” There’s a bit of arrogance there. When we don’t like it, it somehow underscores their culinary superiority, I guess. “You can’t appreciate this because you’re not Japanese/Chinese.” I get that very rarely.
I love the way you write and explain things. I have a Japanese neighbor friend and I don’t think they eat very many sweets either. When she brings me “something sweet” (her words) as a kind gesture I don’t think it’s sweet at all! So this explains it. I’ve taken her chicken soup but now I know to avoid taking casseroles, rich desserts and cheesy stuff. Good cultural lesson and it’s about food…What could be better!? =) ~ Cori
.-= Cori´s last blog ..CSI Picture Study =-.
Oh my gosh! Ocean sand worms! Kudos to you for being so polite and choking them down. I’m in awe.
Darya, I saw that too!!! I found it fascinating that the Chinese family were gagging on the cheese and couldn’t eat it.
.-= Keeley´s last blog ..Sunday Scripture =-.