Daily Dose of Chinglish with Your Cup of Coffee

by Jimmie on March 8, 2010

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I’ve discovered a wonderful shopping option that has almost anything conceivable – Taobao.

So far I’ve bought an oven, an oven thermometer, a camera bag, permanent markers, coffee, and audio books. These are all things I can’t get in my city which I can now buy online and have delivered right to my home. I am so thrilled with my new skill. It’s not easy to do. Setting it all up is a nightmare, and reading the Chinese requires a lot of help from online translators, but it’s worth it now that I can buy hard to find items right from home.

Take a look at my wonderful Colombian coffee, ground for free, and shipped right to my apartment entrance.

At the top it says Enjoy Your Life. Well, thanks, Coffee. I will, especially with a cup of YOU in my hand.

Then I see a very classy crest which certainly proves the pedigree of my fine Colombian coffee beans. Under that I learn that these are not ordinary coffee beans but Professional Coffee Beans. My apologies, Dr. Coffee.

coffee likes me

And then to top it all off is such a moving statement from Dr. Coffee. Just let that soak in. Does your coffee speak so tenderly to you? Oh, no. This is special coffee. Professional coffee.

Oh, Dr. Coffee, I am moved by your touching sentiment. And even though we’ve just met,  I feel the same about you. I can’t wait to brew you tomorrow morning!

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Darya March 8, 2010 at 2:18 pm

About twice a week the smell of coffee beans being roasted and ground comes wafting in through our windows. I just about gag (sorry, the smell just does that to me) So even though I don’t like coffee I can still see the humour in your story! So funny! Enjoy!
.-= Darya´s last blog ..what do you think? =-.

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Jimmie March 10, 2010 at 3:13 pm

@Darya — Oh, what a waste –the smell of roasting coffee beans at the home of a person who dislikes coffee! I’d be in utter heaven. Instead, I get the smell of my neighbor’s fertilizer on his lilies or his cigarette smoke.

@Katie — Getting help with Taobao is a good idea. I had a friend help me set it up. (She didn’t complete the process but got me on the right track.) And another experienced Taobao friend talked to me about it extensively, giving me tips and such.
Taobao Field Guide is also of some help. The info is not terribly exhaustive, and the screenshots are dated, but it is a good start. Also their translator is helpful.

My oven actually was a disaster. It was demolished in transit. I had to send it back. So disappointed since I really, really wanted that oven!

English books — I don’t think so. Be careful. Some of them look like English books — say they are English books — but they are actually ebooks. Not real books. You can get audio books on CD in MP3 format. WONDERFUL! Use the store I linked in the post. Very, very good (copies, though).

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Jimmie March 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm

@Sparklee — Oh, Coffee’s coat of arms is surely an authentic one. ;-)

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Nadene March 8, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Oh, this was funny ~ and provides the necessary proof that one can have more than just a physical coffee addiction! Here’s to you! (lifting my coffee mug)
.-= Nadene´s last blog ..Famous Artists Lapbook ~ loads of minibooks! =-.

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Katie March 8, 2010 at 8:05 pm

Ever since you first mentioned Taobao, I’ve been browsing and looking for things that I’ve wanted from the states – like a steam floor mop, and a butterfly cake mold for our daughter’s birthday. But I feel that we should use a Chinese friend to help us make sure we know what we’re getting into first. I’m excited about the possibilities though! Do you know if there are English books on the site?
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Long time no post! =-.

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Katie March 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm

PS – I have that same size Tomato oven!

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silvia March 8, 2010 at 9:39 pm

you are a resourceful woman, Jimmie, and one who makes us laugh hard with your Chinglish editions!
.-= silvia´s last blog .. =-.

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Phyllis March 8, 2010 at 9:58 pm

This was wonderfully funny. Thanks for sharing this with us!
-Phyllis

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Lee March 8, 2010 at 11:00 pm

I just about cried I thought it was so funny. Brings back memories of shirts proclaiming that they are “orijinal” and of dinner at one of our favorite Macedonian restaurants: “Big Food”.
.-= Lee´s last blog ..New Reviews =-.

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nichole March 9, 2010 at 2:44 am

lol! This makes me almost want to become a coffee drinker;)

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Sparklee March 9, 2010 at 5:02 am

Hey, it takes a “professional” cup of coffee to wake me up in the mornings!

Your timing is perfect: just today we talked about coats-of-arms and my kids designed their own. I can’t wait to show them this one!

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Wendy @ Sun-Kissed Scholars March 9, 2010 at 5:14 am

Dear goodness, that coffee sounds so educated and sincere. I’ve always loved coffee, and it’s nice to know that Coffee returns the sentiment. ;-)
This is hilarious!
.-= Wendy @ Sun-Kissed Scholars´s last blog ..The new fashion statement =-.

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Christina March 9, 2010 at 10:21 am

Hi Jimmie, Hey does the Taobao site have anyway to use English on it? I couldn’t figure it out, but perhaps I just missed it…

Thanks!
.-= Christina´s last blog ..First Blog – Our Journey =-.

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Jimmie March 10, 2010 at 3:36 pm

@ Christina –No, to be Taobao is a completely Chinese site. You may be able to use some web page translating software. But a friend is probably your best bet. The translations are often really, really weird.

It’s really hard for me to use to be honest, but it’s worth it since we’re so limited in what we can buy.

Jimmie

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Marsha March 9, 2010 at 1:29 pm

*snort*

oh my stinkin’ word! how hilarious!!!

(i hope your coffee doesn’t charge you by the hour for the therapy it provides.)
.-= Marsha´s last blog ..Posse (homeschool style) =-.

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Kate March 9, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Gee, we have to grind our own coffee – and the most personal thing the bag says is the date it was packaged.

I’m so glad you have found a way to purchase those items you are unable to find locally. Living in a small town, 2 hours from Portland, OR, I sometimes have the same problem, though on a much smaller scale than yours.

I have to tell you that my husband and I really enjoy your blog. We followed you over here from HSB. We’ve learned a lot about China from you, have laughed at the seemingly absurd, admired your great attitude about various situations and, recently, cringed at your food post. We’ve prayed for your safety at various times and marveled at the amazing photos of your adopted country. Thanks for sharing your life with those of us who’ll never get to that part of the world. God bless you!

Kate (and Todd)

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Jimmie March 10, 2010 at 3:34 pm

@Kate –Thanks for the sweet words. I love blogging!

I was so excited when the guy from whom I bought the coffee online sent me a text message asking if I wanted it ground! Woo hoo! Coffee delivered to my door and I don’t even have to pull out the grinder?
LOVE IT!

This guy is going to love me as a customer. I am going to keep buying his coffee. Maybe he’ll start selling those flavored syrups. Ahhhh…. those are heaven!

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Beth March 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Professional coffee – that sounds strong and what one might need for the morning.

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