My latest post at The Heart of the Matter Should You Start a Homeschooling Blog? generated some thoughtful comments that I want to expound on.
Kelli from Adventures in Child Rearing commented
One of the things that I have felt a pull and a leading from the Lord about is the fact that I continually publish the “good stuff.” The point of the blog was to encourage others to get out and enjoy adventure with their family and learn together. But if I’m only blogging the good fun stuff, I am cheating my readers. They need to hear that it ain’t all pretty! Life is hard, but God can bless us if we trust Him!
You are so right, Kelli. Who wants to read a “perfect” blog written by a “perfect” mom who writes perfectly? That kind of blog is intimidating. You may bookmark her ideas and pin her photos, but you would be terrified to actually sit down over a cup of coffee with that blogger because she’s too “perfect.” You wonder how she could ever relate to the “fend for yourself” dinner your family ate that night, the gunk building up in the shower, and the mediocre homeschool lessons you’ve had this week.
News flash. That “perfect” homeschool mom is actually not perfect. You do know that, right? (And if she is perfect, then she is probably very prideful.)
However, the “perfect” blogging extreme should not be corrected by a total swing the other way. For two main reasons, we homeschool bloggers should avoid being too negative.
Public Opinion and Legal Issues
I worry when moms share too much, especially when they live in states where there’s a lot of supervision of homeschoolers. Will an education official clamp down on a family after reading their blog posts admiting they did only “life skills” and no math or reading for three weeks?
I’ve seen blog posts that outright admit to fudging on their 180 days of school.
- A trip to the vet is science.
- The grocery store covers the math lesson.
- Music is done via audio CD in the car.
I’m not saying that those activities aren’t educational. I’m just wondering if a blog post that shares “insider secrets to homeschool documentation” is a smart move.
Maybe your state has very homeschool friendly laws. That’s great. But how do our bad day blog posts contribute towards the unfounded fears that we are just letting the children be raised by wolves instead of diligently teaching them? (Even if you are an unschooler, you have made a deliberate choice to educate in that way. It’s not mere laziness or ignorance.)
Do we perpetuate stereotypes with our blog posts – that homeschoolers sleep late, don’t have due dates, and have no personal discipline? We all have bad days where a lot of school just doesn’t happen, but do we need to blog about them for opponents to use as ammunition against us?
The Whiny Blog
I have a huge fear of complaining on my own blog. I personally hate whiny blogs. (Whiny people are not too fun either.) We all whine at times, but it’s annoying to always hear only negative things. Since I don’t want to become that person on my own blog, I focus on the positive.
We all have bad days. We all get discouraged, take a mental health day, yell at the kids, and serve cereal for dinner. But does it really encourage someone else to read about it?
If through the bad day you had an insight that can minister to others, then by all means share it. But if you’re just venting your frustrations or throwing a pity party, and most of your posts are like that, what kind of community are you creating?
I hope that my readers know that I do show only the good things. There’s plenty of ugly in my life that just doesn’t need to be on this blog. It’s not edifying. It’s not beneficial to anyone. Not to me. Not to you.
So we homeschool bloggers have a fine line to walk. We want to be real about the challenges of homeschooling (and parenting and homemaking) while we express proficiency to outsiders and encouragement to those who need it.
If you are a homeschool blogger, how do you ride this line between being too rosy and being too negative?
Paige says
Jimmie,
Great post! It’s true that none of us are perfect, but focusing on the negative is not good either. In my personal life, I choose to focus on the good things and let the bad things fade into distant memory. In blogging, there’s a balance between being real and having pity partying. I agree that only sharing the negative when you also have insight and encouragement to share is a good way to find that balance. Love your blog, keep it up:)!
Paige
Deb says
It’s a fine line…. I don’t like whiny blogs, but I don’t like phony Everything Is SWELL ALL THE TIME! blogs either.
I like to know I’m getting the real thing – real struggles, real emotion, real life. And if someone is going to complain, it should at least make me laugh.
Penny says
I agree that all posts need to seek to encourage someone. Last year, we went through many deaths in our family. It was a dark time in our family’s life. I shared it not to whine but to encourage someone else going through it that God was still in control. There is indeed a distinct difference between whining and encouraging. Thanks for this great post.
Dawn says
I so agree. I do share some of the ugly in our lives but, I hope it is delivered in an a encouraging way. I think letting people see us living as gracefully as we can with the help of God is a good thing.
Blessings,
Dawn
Mommy Cameron says
Thank you for writing this. As a mom who is new to homeschooling and new to blogging I really appreciate your insight. These are great points to consider and something that I found helpful. Often when I write a post, I debate what exactly what and how much I am going to share, because I don’t want to make it look too easy, because it is not. However, I don’t want to only share the bad, because that would just lead to more people (family) questioning our decision. I honestly have tried to just keep it as factual as possible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Alex says
You have put into words what I feel and have always felt about blogging. I choose to share the positive because I don’t enjoy reading negative blogs.
Very well said.
Phyllis says
I agree with you that blogging is to encourage and to help, not to self satisfy and whine. I assume that everyone knows that we all have bad moments, and bad days.
Eddie says
Jimmie, I think you raise some valid points (and I am very guilty of whining on my blog sometimes, mostly about housework). I try to be careful about the content in terms of what is shown as schoolwork, because we live in Quebec where they are actively targeting homeschoolers for harassment. I try to show some of the learning and not to mention the rough days too much for that very reason, and hope that the photos of our less-than perfect house balance it out to show a “real” homeschooling family!
Lainie Magsarili says
I prayed about the purpose of my specific blog. What I feel called to do is “Encourage one another day after day.” In specific order, to encourage, share about homeschooling, and bits and pieces of our daily life.
I look at my “labels” or tags to see if my blog is balanced to reflect that purpose. If I have more homeschool posts than encouraging posts, then I know I need to pare back the school postings and write more encouragement posts, etc…
I, too, feel like words are powerful. I try to be very honest and open, but I wait to post until I’ve seen how the Lord is using our challenges in refine and shape us so that what I share encourages my readers.
I really take to heart the old saying to not say anything if there is nothing good to say.
Thanks for this post. I’ve gotten some criticism for not “complaining” more. (Can you believe it??) My question to this person was, “How does my complaining build you up and glorify God?” She said, “It doesn’t.” Exactly.
Rachael says
Thanks for this post Jimmie. I try to remember that blogging is a bit like posting on a noticeboard for all the world to see. I ask myself whether I would want all the things I have said in a particular post to be seen by anyone, and if so, then I post. I am real to my “real life” friends here in NZ, but the rest of the world doesn’t need to know my problems. If I’m going through a difficult time, there is usually a gap in blogposts. I too don’t like to be whiny, so I have tried to keep my blog positive, which is why I started it in the first place.
Keep up the great work, Jimmie!
Julie says
I try not to be whiny either. In fact, I don’t usually put anything on there about our personal life. If I’m irritable and cranky, I just won’t blog for a while. My blog is more on ideas and inspiration (I hope!) than the everyday grind. If I did that, I don’t know what it would look like. I like the positives and highlights with every once in a while a practical and honest post on how to overcome some homeschooling challenges.
Rebecca says
Jimmie,
Oh, I have been waiting for a post like this. I ran into a Mom who said she was trying to find a blog one day…she was struggling and all she could find was extremely perfect ones…or ones that were whiny or always complaining.
It is a hard line to walk. To share our lives….to show the struggles, yet the beauty of a struggle….and those really good moments…without sharing way too much!!!
Thank you for this post!!!
Michelle says
I tend to have nothing to say when I’m going through personal challenges. So it’s pretty easy to leave it off the blog. *lol*
As for “bad moments”. ..sure I have them. I don’t think I ever mention them, however. They’re just moments, after all. If we’re having “bad days where not a lot of school happens”, I either do not write at all or I write an informational article and leave out the “us” factor. The articles are what help others anyway.
Tracey Manted says
Hi Jimmie
I just wrote about my children’s (occasional) resistance to homeschool after having a break – it really is hard to get started again sometimes!
http://traceymansted.blogspot.com/2011/08/when-grumpy-rules-roost.html
I felt I really needed to get it out in the blogosphere as it has been difficult for me in the past to find help on this same topic.
I did wait till I had some strategies though, as I agree a whiny blog is just depressing…
Thanks for your post.
Tracey
Donetta says
Love this!! This may seem ridiculous to say but I never even thought about officials looking at blogs to see what homeschoolers were doing! That’s a great point and definitely something to be aware of! I don’t usually blog about that kind of stuff anyway so I guess that’s why I hadn’t thought of it but still…something to remember!
Thanks so much for joining my blogroll! I’m enjoying your blog and anxious to look around more! 😉
Sarah says
Hmmm how do I walk that thin line? The first thing that has helped me is to write about a difficult time after I myself have had time to go through it. For me, who is an emotions speak first kind of person, this helps me to be thoughtful and more objective about my feelings and life as it was during that episode of our homeschooling life. In addition, I am not always aware what does encourage others so to have that as my aim could lead me to become preachy or canned sounding as well. Me trying to make my life meaningful to you, when I really know very little if anything at all about those who happen along a find my blog seemed like a nebulous goal I could not reach. Probabbly the most helpful and most relaxing thing that I decided to do when I began blogging was to would invite Jesus in the person of the Holy Spirit to help me with such decisions. I write to satistfy Him and then trust that what I write then is useful to others and does indeed add to the comunity at large. At any time during the writing process I stop and quietly ask Jesus to show me if there is anything missing from my post or something I need to add? Then when my heart feels ok about the piece I an working on, I publish it. There is a wonderful rest and simple satisfaction in living for an audience of one.
shirley says
I have thought that many homeschooling moms publish too much. I live in a state that is not as strict as others, but at times thought oh this is not good, that a blog is telling all about her struggles with home school. We as homeschooler handle this with grace under fire no matter what. We are strong ! We can do it! no Whining! No you do not need to lie, but maybe not so much information (such as we homeschool in pj’s) or better yet show us your school room mess. So many forget the internet is a public place. Show us you end result..yes the picture prefect ones, focus that camera we do not need to see the mess. I feel it gives the lurkers who what to change homeschool laws a reason too . Yes we all have a bad day here and there,must everyone know . shirley
sarah in the woods says
It bothers me that some people look at my blog and think I’m something that I’m not – really crafty or cool or just such a wonderful mother, etc. Because I don’t feel like I’m any of those things. But I write the things I want to remember. I don’t want to look back over my blog and have bad memories. I want to let the bad times fade away into forgetfulness. Plus I don’t like reading negative blog posts, so I don’t want to write them. I have written some posts about how we work through difficulties with reading or schooling with toddlers for example, but I think that is a very small percentage of my posts. Occasionally I think of writing a blatant “real life” post so people will put my blog into perspective, but then I think, “I wouldn’t want to read that and probably no one else would either.” So I’ll admit to having an unbalanced blog, I just hope people realize that’s what it is.
Clare says
Interesting post. I tend to read for consolation and inspiration, and they tend to be different blogs too, so I guess I know what I’m getting. I love blogs that are inspiring and “I want her life” type ones, but I can only read them when I’m in a good place, and then only in small doses. I need people writing about how hard their day was and how hard their children are too sometimes, as then I feel like less of a failure! I have blogged before about cereal for dinner 😉 I don’t consciously whine or not whine, but I don’t blog about personal issues and I mostly write when I’m on top of things (that’s when I have time to write!) so I guess most of the posts are pretty upbeat. I haven’t thought before about being a homeschool ambassador to the wider world – that is something I could bear in mind. Thanks 🙂
Michelle says
Good, sound, practical. . . and biblical advice! Phil 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on *these* things.”
Well thought out and well written post. Thanks Jimmie!
mandy says
i will be new to homeschooling this year, after 5 years of public school. i have to say that the ‘real’ blogs have been the most helpful to me. the ones talking about the daily struggles, etc. if i had only read th ‘perfectionist’ sounding ones, i wouldn’t have so readliy given into the Lord at His direction to homeschool. i know that’s sad, but true. there’s already so much pressure, i’m grateful when i know there are other moms ‘like me’ out there doing it!
Stef Layton - Educating Layton says
I’m probably THE LAST person to ask about this question because I believe if you’re not honest & sincere it’s just garbage. And I don’t watch soaps, ya know? I agree wholeheartedly about the whiny blog – I see more *blessed* stay at home moms complaining left and right … its sad. I think it gives Christian women, moms, and homeschoolers a bad name.
I believe if God wants you to share something – you should. Its definitely not for our fame but usually (always in my case) reaches someone. I think its obedience.
Nikki says
Great post, Jimmie. I agree – if it is not edifying, then we should not be writing about it. What a wonderful question we should ask ourselves before hitting the publish button – “Will this post edify and glorify God?”
Another thing to think about…I think we need to be careful what we share about our children. I try to be very careful what I share about my children. For instance, if one of my children is struggling in a subject, I ask their permission before I write about it. I don’t want them to see my words and feel embarrassed or discouraged.
rachel @ finding joy says
Excellent excellent EXCELLENT and did I say excellent post.
Stumbled it. It’s that good. 🙂
Rachel
Richele says
Well put! I wish I could add to it but you did an amazing job. I agree 100%!
Nadene says
So true! I started my blog and chose not to write a personal-wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve blog. But this has caused people to be intimidated by my “organization” and they even feel threatened by my standards! (This is definitely not who and what I am or want!)
I really prayed and chose to encourage others by sharing my struggles or difficulties in some of my posts. (For example: not getting it all done, how to recover from disturbed schooling or homeschooling high school maths is a challenge.) These posts seem to be very helpful and encouraging.
As I go along my blogging journey I am constantly “working it out” and looking for balance. I have this on my noticeboard: “Prayer before pen, bent knees before open lips.”
Michelle says
I feel the need to be honest about some of the tough times, but I try to balance it by showing some lesson learned. A tough day might not have ended with kittens and rainbows, but if I’m going to share that on the blog I try to find something to take away from it, some plan of attack for the next difficult situation that comes our way.
Jolanthe says
While I don’t typically post about the struggles or frustrations that we have in homeschooling, some of the most encouraging posts to my readers have been the ones in which I do share the ‘real’ moments. Sadly, people get an unrealistic glimpse into our lives and I do not EVER want anyone to feel like they cannot do something or have to live up to a false ideal.
My goal is to encourage and motivate people through those posts though ~ pointing them to helpful books and most importantly to rely on God, not others or themselves. 🙂
Jeremy says
I agree with Nikki. We parents may be comfortable putting something out there on the web, but I think we need to honor our kids’ privacy now and in the years to come when potential employers may be googling them.
Karin Katherine says
I agree with your sentiments. I think it’s encouraging and inspiring to read positive stories of Homeschool days. If I feel badly about what I read about another Mother’s Homeschool then it’s either a convicting moment for me or it’s a sign I need to check my own attitude at the door.
This isn’t a competition. However too many women make it one.
I am constantly inspired by you. Since I have 5 children it’s hard for me exactly duplicate the things that I am inspired by you on but it’s refreshing and I do what I can. I hope my blog does the same.
I don’t need to read about your failures or troubles to feel good about myself. I try to get that from God. There is so much negativity in the world and Homeschooling is not the easiest path—encouragement is what I need. Not poor me stories or jokes that imply we aren’t serious about Homeschooling our kids.
I do confess to posting about the mealworm experiment gone bad…we found beetles for
weeks! But hey, if u cannot laugh about yourself
once in awhile….