Despite the growing numbers of homeschoolers, homeschooling is not a mainstream choice. As a home educator, you are already an oddball in the realm of general society. So when you find a homeschool support group of real life people who have also made this radical decision, it feels like finding a family where you fit in.
Until.
Until you start to talk to these new homeschool friends and discover that you are again an oddball even within your homeschool circle. No one else seems to hold to your homeschool philosophy or practice, and you realize just how different you really are.
No, we don’t use textbooks or a boxed curriculum with a neat label.
Yes, I think Teaching Textbooks is “enough” for math.
No, we don’t use tests. (And I don’t grade Emma’s papers.)
Yes, I still read out loud to my eighth grader.
No, we don’t have a rigid schedule.
Yes, this field trip is our school today. We don’t go home and do workbook pages in addition.
No, we are not behind. We set our own schedule. How can we be “behind?”
Yes, I spend tons on art supplies and art lessons but prefer to do our own science labs at home.
I don’t consider myself an unschooler. But in contrast to the homeschoolers around me, I feel like one. And a very oddball, freaky one at that.
You see, although on my blog I have hundreds of readers who appreciate my style, in real life I am a homeschool oddball.
Do you feel that way too?
By nature, I’m not one to be overly concerned with the perceptions of others. I’m fine with following my own path and ignoring the reactions of those around me. On my own, I’m very confident in my choices. But sitting in a homeschool group as the lone oddball can make even me question my decisions for a split second. Then I get home and see my Emma surrounded by her colored pencils, listening to an audio book, and I know that we are on the right path. Doing traditional school at home would destroy the essence of this creative child almost the same way public or private school would.
I truly believe that in education, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Einstein said that. He was a brilliant man who did poorly in rigid, academic settings.
Knowledge certainly has its place. It is a foundation upon which to creatively build and explore. But it is those with imagination who truly live and who make life better for others.
Maybe the path of imagination and creativity is a very narrow one, one that only the oddballs can walk.
Do you feel like a homeschool oddball? How do you cope when your IRL homeschool friends do not follow your same style?
Cindy says
I know what you mean. Sorta. I’ve always been an oddball wherever I go, so I’m just used to the feeling. While our homeschooling circles include big families, small ones, Christian ones, non-Christian ones, unschooling ones, rigid schooly ones, etc., so I can find something in common with nearly all of them, I find myself practically alone in the “me” category. 😉
Jimmie Lanley says
I like that you can find common ground with so many people, Cindy. I am like that in many things, but homeschool seems to draw this line in the sand for me. Or maybe I am just surrounded by very traditional homeschoolers.
Jamie {See Jamie blog} says
Nope, none of my real-life friends get how we do things. They are very much more structured, more textbookish, with tests to assess learning, etc. Which of course is fine if it works for them, but I know they mostly don’t “get” why we do things the way we do. And that’s ok. But I sure am thankful for the internet homeschool community, too!
Jimmie Lanley says
Oh, how I agree! Without the Internet I’d feel so very alone.
Christine Guest says
Testing co-op throws me. That is the wildest mix of people I don’t really know who homeschool differently from what I do. I’m more structured than some, and use weirder books than others. I don’t follow Charlotte Mason purely, I rely a lot of SWB, my kids don’t read fluently until really late, and we are all math geeks here.
I also get most of my inspiration from catalogs and internet, and not so much the state convention.
So I fret, pray, and talk to my husband who usually says, “They are different from you. You probably intimidate them. Just smile and read your book or knit.”
Sometimes skipping the support group meetings IS an encouraging thing to do!
Jimmie Lanley says
As I said in my email to you, you have a very wise husband!
Julie says
I can so relate : ) Thankfully I wasn’t always this way and so I’m understanding of how others might feel. It’s a rarity to find like-minded CM types : )
Jimmie Lanley says
Julie, this short comment really hit me. Thank you. You are right. My own perspective has mellowed considerably since the early days of homeschooling as I’ve learned to trust the process. Thanks for reminding me of that. We are all on a journey. We all need to give grace as much as we want to receive it.
SoCalLynn says
I am so blessed by the group we hang out with. I have a few core friends I see often, through a group called Grace Girls one momma started and there are so many styles in this group! One mom prefers to find as many classes for her kids as possible, 2-3 use Classical Conversations, one is very un-schoolish, one is very textbook-ish, and I homeschool my daughter very much like you do, Jimmie. Maybe we are an unusual group?
SoCalLynn says
Having trouble… just wanted to add that even though our group is so different, we are so good at supporting each other and sharing ideas. Of course, all our girls love each other so much, so maybe that’s the key for us?
Jimmie Lanley says
Lynn, I am so blessed to hear that you have that support. And I think the key is that you are friends. There is a bond there that helps you overcome the differences. So happy for you!
jeanette says
You and I are odd balls for many of the same reasons! I am not at textbook-lovin, test-givin, paper-gradin kind of homeschool mom either. 😉
Jimmie Lanley says
Let’s hear it for the loosely structured homeschoolers!
Sandra says
I used to feel like the oddball in real life homeschooling situations and often had to remind myself of the similarities as well. It got worse when my kids hit high school age because everyone was sending their teens to school or at least following a programme to gain nationally recognised qualifications to get into university. We opted to do our own thing and trust it would work! But it was hard to be the only one and to loose contact with friends (mine and the kids) because they were too busy with assignments/study/exams/school. People really questioned our decision to gamble with the kids’ future which sometimes caused us to second guess ourselves. But now that the oldest two are safely in university and doing really well I can relax again.
Jimmie Lanley says
Yes! This is precisely what I’m facing at the moment: this pressure to enroll my daughter in all these outside classes. No, that is not going to happen. Not now at least. I need to write a whole post about that!
joni kuhn says
I would love to read a whole post about that! 🙂
Joy says
Yes, I am definitely the oddball in our group. Since moving, I am part of a new group and just went to my first homeschool mom meeting. Without others knowing, I left in tears and cried on my way home. Yes, I am different than they are. We do things differently than a lot of the others. My husband and a dear friend, both reminded me that we are doing this for our children because of who they are. They do learn differently. It is okay if we are different. We are doing what God wants us to do.
Jimmie Lanley says
Oh, Joy. How terrible. I am sure those other moms did not intend for you to feel so discouraged and alone. What a shame. You are not alone. And you are doing a great job to stick to your guns on what you know is best for your family.
Becca says
YES! A group for homeschoolers has just formed in my town and I can totally relate to what you’re sharing. We don’t have a schedule either and I don’t lesson plan. We’ve switched to just Life of Fred for math and people are stunned when they hear that. It’s so nice to hear there are other oddballs out there.
Jimmie Lanley says
Becca, you are not alone! I am so thankful that we have Internet support even if we don’t have those who school like us in person. We live in a blessed time.
Amy says
It is easy to see the differences as a bad thing… but if you can choose to see them as a positive, then you will be blessed! For there is no one just like you, therefore there will not be another homeschooling family who does things just like you do. I am just getting started, and have not really settled on a “style” yet, but am leaning more toward the eclectic, almost-unschooling style of living a life of learning all the time, instead of “school at home.” The homeschooling moms around me are far more structured, but I am trying to remember not to compare myself to them in the homeschool realm just the same as I try not to compare myself to them as a wife, a mom, or a Christian – each of us must do what God is leading us to do in our families, and not try to copy someone else. Thanks for this post… great topic to tackle! Your blog is great, and I also follow you on Pinterest. Blessings to you and your family today!
Jimmie Lanley says
Amy, what you’ve written here is so wonderful. I agree totally. Those homeschool meetings are a challenge to my resolve not to compare. But you are totally correct!
Andrea says
Yep, this is us too. We have a few close friends that homeschool and we understand each others why’s and how’s but I have left several “homeschool group” gatherings in tears. Like several of you have mentioned I know God has lead us to this path and that it is right for us. Next year we will be road-schooling and we will enter a whole new class of oddball. I truly thank God for living in these times of internet and social media so that we can at least connect virtually with other oddballs 😉
Jimmie Lanley says
Oh, my heart breaks to think of moms leaving homeschool meetings in tears. That is just not how it should be. Road schooling sounds amazing! Who doesn’t dream of living in an RV and touring America? Oh, well, maybe some don’t. But I do!
SoCalLynn says
Road schooling does sound like so much fun. A friend of mine did just that a couple of years ago, with her husband and 5 kids in an RV. They hit many national parks and historical sites and she blogged about it along the way. I would so love to do this! Since they’ve been home they’ve added another little girl to their family and are contemplating a similar trip to Europe!
Karen says
This post is great. I can so relate Jimmie! I feel very much like you do. Thanks for sharing! I have found that my blog has helped tremendously in letting other people “see” what we are doing and gain more of an understanding. Yet, it still is hard sometimes feeling like the “oddball.” 🙂
Jimmie Lanley says
Thank you, Karen. It’s funny how many of us feel like oddballs. I guess there really are no oddballs when you look at the big picture.
Phyllis says
Ye, I do feel like an oddball at homeschool groups. Sometimes even on the net, although I think I would have a lot in common with you, after reading you list. 🙂 I feel especially odd when I read the yearly, “A Day In The Life of my Homeschool”. I can’t believe they all get up so early and do chores even before starting school… I am struggling bleary-eyed while they have been awake for hours. LOL
Jimmie Lanley says
Ha ha, Phyllis! I’ve never done a “day in the life” post because I waver between thinking our normal days are way too boring to questioning if we have a “normal” day. We do not get up early. In my view, that is one of the most blessed aspects of homeschooling. We don’t have to, so why? I don’t think it’s a matter of discipline. We can all get up early when we want to or need to.
Our culture has labeled early risers as industrious and late risers as lazy. That’s not true.
Ellen, the Bluestocking Belle says
Phyllis, me, too! I often gape with wonder when I read about these moms up at 5, the kids by 7, all chores done, and breakfast eaten before the “school bell rings.” That is SO not us! You are not alone…
Ellen, the Bluestocking Belle says
Jimmie, it seems as if this post really hit home with quite a few readers! I’m an oddball, period, and not just because I homeschool, either. 🙂 Back in my 20s (oh, so long ago!), I mentioned to my boss that this guy I was dating at the time (and later married!) said I was weird. My boss said, “I wouldn’t say *weird.* More like *eccentric*.”
See?
So I’m used to being the odd one out, the one who thinks/does differently. In fact, I stopped attending homeschool support group meetings for that very reason. I get all my support from my internet friends around the world!
Barb-Harmony Art Mom says
I have never fit in anywhere…so even around other homeschoolers I rarely talk about the nuts and bolts of what we do unless they ask. This year is different though since I have one friend that is homeschooler her 8th grader and we are totally in sync. Love it.
We are still oddballs with Mr. A not officially enrolled in college yet even two years after graduation. He is still learning and exploring (mostly from behind the controls of an airplane) but I am not worried. Mr. B with his gap year schedule really bucked the norm around here but it has been the best way to do things for him.
Jimmie-all of us oddballs can stick together then maybe we won’t feel so odd after all. 🙂
Jimmie Lanley says
Yes! Oddballs unite, Barb!
Heather says
You would fit right in with our group, well with me anyway. I couls have written this about us. I’m the oddball, however, in that I don’t follow any kind of strick diet, I don’t grind my own wheat, or grow my own vegatables, and my kids play video games and watch TV. I get a lot of dirty looks for those last two.
Jimmie Lanley says
Ha ha! I’m not a fan of TV, but my daughter does enjoy computer games. You know, it’s like anything. If you forbid it and make a big deal about it, it becomes a power struggle. I allow it.
Tiffany says
I am an oddball for different reasons. There are so many families around me that appear to be more free and relaxed. I am very structured and can be rigid. I feel very much like the oddball and it can be lonely at times. Even though I’m surrounded by other hs families we are each unique.
Jimmie Lanley says
And there’s nothing wrong with being rigid if it works for you. I don’t mean to criticize that way of learning. It is not what I have chosen because it’s not what is best for my child’s temperament and giftings. I am sorry you feel like an oddball. It is really a difficult place to be. Hugs.
Shannon AKA Wordgirl says
I continue to be thankful for the things you post about, Jimmie. I do sometimes feel like an oddball, but the homeschool group I am part of is very diverse. When I start to feel too structured, I can think about friend A. When I feel like I am being way too loosy-goosy, I can think about friend B. Mostly, it helps when I can get enough distance to ask myself what kind of homeschooler I want to be and what kind of homeschooler my children need me to be.
We are currently in the throes of moving from a home we have lived in for ten years, so I have been feeling like such a homeschooling failure as I pack boxes and skip math lessons here and there. This post reminds me that I don’t need to worry about getting behind. They have years to go – and much left to learn, as do I.
Jimmie Lanley says
Shannon, I know all about homeschooling during a move. (And some of those moves for us were traumatic.) Really, it will be okay. It is a season. You can “catch up” for lack of a better word. Other lessons are learned. Don’t add to your existing stress by worrying about how the move distracts from school. Use your energies to focus on setting up your home with your full attention. Then you can focus on homeschooling wholeheartedly.
Pam says
Jimmie! Thank you for this post. You just confirmed a lot for me in this one post. A lot of my anxieties stem from being the oddball. I didn’t plan it this way. I’m the only one and first one, within reasonable generations, on either side of my immediate family to homeschool and that alone can feel odd. I am exploring Teaching Textbooks and that’s ALL I plan to do for math, of course we will keep in line with our living math approach with fun activities. My sons are happy and when I try to be all schooly on them, they shut down. They are creative and I often get nuggets from God just in the things they say. I know it’s worth it all to have them home. This has been an eye opening week for me. I’ve never really had a strict schedule where we couldn’t just leave it and come back later and I am glad about it. My kids have a fit when we miss nightly readings! I love a good field trip! Love the post and might just print it for the fridge.
Jimmie Lanley says
I loved your comment, Pam! I agree with your totally about nuggets from God from our children. Wow, my Emma says some amazing things.
And to print this and put on the refrigerator! What a compliment!
Katie Mitchell says
Thank you for this post! Now I don’t feel like I’m such an oddball myself afterall. I don’t homeschool the way most people do either, and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m not doing it “right.” I’m a homeschool rebel I guess you could say. I think it’s interesting that though we are choosing to go against the grain by homeschooling in the first place, we still feel that pull to be on a bandwagon so we fit in.
Jimmie Lanley says
I agree totally. Homeschooling is already a tough enough choice — to go against the grain. Then when you feel like a freak within that community, it can be a bit overwhelming.
Drewe Llyn Jeffcoat says
My youngest child is now a senior in our homeschool. When I started this homeschool journey 18 years ago I bought Abeka…teacher books and everything. For my then 2nd grader. (And I have a degree in elementary ed!!!) I was so unsure of myself. If I could go back knowing what I know now I would most definitely do things more your way. I wish I had checked into Montessori methods and saved my $$. As it is, every year I’ve done things more and more my own way. Too bad it took 18 years to get to this point. I think it is awesome that you are comfortable in your homeschool. Looks to me like you are doing a great job!
Krista says
Here’s a link you might like to watch. It’s long, but speaks from a creative mind that works outside the box when referring to finding creative academic excellence: the intro is 5min. and the speech begins then.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euBe4PxKz_M
The Starry Night speech is good too. I prefer to use “eclectic”. Ok, and maybe eccentric as opposed to odd (so much more colorful) LOL 😉 With much love, sisters.
Valerie says
Jimmie, my homeschool group/co-op has lots of other families just like you and me. I never realized how lucky I am! We do have some families in our group that use a prepackaged curriculum or set rigid schedules but not many. You’d fit right in here. 🙂
One thing I suppose I do sometimes feel like the oddball about is with my son and sports. I sometimes feel I’m the only one that doesn’t have her son (he’s 8 yo) in some sort of weekly sport with practices and games. He’s just not that interested in team sports and prefers scooters, bikes, and trampolines. He takes guitar lessons, is a Cub Scout, our co-op classes, and we have regular playdates, which is enough I think.
Thank you for all you do! I love your blog, great printables, and ideas.
Jenn says
I find that whenever I am asked, “what do you use?” I want to just change the subject. I just say Charlotte Mason to be simple. But we are not even fully CM! Most of my friends send their children to a college prepatory private school. So you can imagine I stay away from the subject of education as much as possible. I am glad my friend tagged me in this post. I have a major in early childhood and in elementary education. I was certified k-6. I have had people tell me, “well, you are qualified to homeschool, but most aren’t.” My response is that every mother is a teacher and actually my degree was based on mass education and actually hindered me the first year. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to give my children a unique education.
Lori says
I do feel like an odd-all, even though I probably don’t look like much of an odd-ball to most home schoolers. This is why I don’t WANT to be part of a co-op or home school support group – I never seem to feel supported by other home schoolers.
As a former public school teacher, I am having to un-learn a lot of the stuff I was trained to do in the classroom setting. I want to be supported in that, but find very few people who are able to do it. Most of them are talking about standardized test scores and curricula and such. I need to hear less of that kind of talk, not more.
Joan says
Once again you speak to my heart, Jimmie!! My “in real life” homeschooling friends are traditional curriculum people through and through, and my virtual friends are all across the board, with very few who I feel are doing it “like we do.”
Maybe that’s the good thing – if I wanted Sarah’s education to look like someone else’s 12-year-old daughter’s education, I guess I’d have kept her in public school, right? – but it’s also hard. I try to keep building community with the people who I feel like understand us, even if their styles are a bit different, because I just need the support of having people who at least pretend to get what we’re about! 🙂
You know I’ve always got your back!
Anna says
I’m an oddball everywhere! I haven’t belonged to a homeschool group in over 6 years because I just don’t fit. We are more relaxed homeschoolers. I’m not big on grades or testing. I’m the oddball at church because we are the only large family, (we are expecting our 8th baby in Feb.). I’m the oddball in our subdivision because were are a large homeschooling family. I’m even an oddball in my own family. I am just starting to accept the fact that taking the path God has set before my family is different than others and that’s okay.
Kim says
I seem to become “less rigid” every year! This is my 16th year to homeschool, and our days now are SO DIFFERENT than when I began with my three daughters. I only have my son left to go; he is in 5th grade this year. We started out with Abeka – really, that and Alpha Omega were the best choices back then (were there any others?), especially when all you knew was the “public school” way of teaching. We did fine, but it was so drab, dull, and well, BORING!! And sooooo much grading! :0 Then the internet takes off, I pray for a different way to teach my son when he was ready to start 1st grade, and God led me to meet Charlotte Mason and her wonderful, natural ways of learning. Wow – I literally took months studying on the internet, and deprogramming my brain of how I was taught, and allowed God to lead me down this new path. We started with Five-in-a-Row, and went from there. I will NEVER go back to textbooks again! I’m not sure how we will handle high school yet, but I don’t care, and I’m not worried in the least about it. We do not test, we school 6 weeks on, 1 week off, we take the summer off, we LOVE LOVE LOVE to read living books (history is my son’s favorite subject; I HATED history in public school, love it now!), we don’t do every subject every day…I could go on and on. If mothers could learn to just let go and relax….when I get stressed, I read this verse that I hung in our school room: “Psalm 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” That puts everything back in perspective for me, and I know that with the Lord’s help and guidance, we will do just fine. 🙂
Kathy says
I almost cried when I started reading your post. I have been experiencing this and really struggling. Thank you for expressing my heart.
BTW I can’t imagine homeschooling without your lenses and blog, they have been very helpful!
Shelah says
I appreciate your posts.
The straw that broke the camels back was my daughter’s 1st grade grammar book. (I bought it b/c I was afraid she was behind!) When I referred to a concept from those pages, my daughter didn’t seem to remember much of it. But she remember just fine the concepts that came up in our reading and conversations.
So I began dreaming, praying, and googling for something “different” for my children….something with a sweet flowing structure and had lots of creativity and freedom…..that organically springs from our life. This is how I found you.
I don’t typically talk about what we’re doing with school, but when I do, there seems to be a confusion that curriculum-less somehow means resource-less. So not true!
Thanks for pioneering the way.
Kim H. says
I so feel “ALONE” and “DIFFERENT” from all the other homeschool families I know. I don’t do co-ops, I don’t give tests either, I don’t use any specific curriculum, I don’t follow a schedule, some days we may do 2 hours of school others 4 or 5 hours. When I listen to the other moms talk, I feel like I am doing this all wrong. I am doubting if I am giving my daughter a proper education and am failing her. She assures me she is fine and she is learning. My daughter is in 7th grade and we have only been at this about a year. We are getting ready to do our first round of testing required by the state, so I guess that will tell me how well we are really doing.