Despite the growing numbers of homeschoolers, homeschooling is not a mainstream choice. As a home educator, you are already an oddball in the realm of general society. So when you find a homeschool support group of real life people who have also made this radical decision, it feels like finding a family where you fit in.
Until.
Until you start to talk to these new homeschool friends and discover that you are again an oddball even within your homeschool circle. No one else seems to hold to your homeschool philosophy or practice, and you realize just how different you really are.
No, we don’t use textbooks or a boxed curriculum with a neat label.
Yes, I think Teaching Textbooks is “enough” for math.
No, we don’t use tests. (And I don’t grade Emma’s papers.)
Yes, I still read out loud to my eighth grader.
No, we don’t have a rigid schedule.
Yes, this field trip is our school today. We don’t go home and do workbook pages in addition.
No, we are not behind. We set our own schedule. How can we be “behind?”
Yes, I spend tons on art supplies and art lessons but prefer to do our own science labs at home.
I don’t consider myself an unschooler. But in contrast to the homeschoolers around me, I feel like one. And a very oddball, freaky one at that.
You see, although on my blog I have hundreds of readers who appreciate my style, in real life I am a homeschool oddball.
Do you feel that way too?
By nature, I’m not one to be overly concerned with the perceptions of others. I’m fine with following my own path and ignoring the reactions of those around me. On my own, I’m very confident in my choices. But sitting in a homeschool group as the lone oddball can make even me question my decisions for a split second. Then I get home and see my Emma surrounded by her colored pencils, listening to an audio book, and I know that we are on the right path. Doing traditional school at home would destroy the essence of this creative child almost the same way public or private school would.
I truly believe that in education, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Einstein said that. He was a brilliant man who did poorly in rigid, academic settings.
Knowledge certainly has its place. It is a foundation upon which to creatively build and explore. But it is those with imagination who truly live and who make life better for others.
Maybe the path of imagination and creativity is a very narrow one, one that only the oddballs can walk.
Do you feel like a homeschool oddball? How do you cope when your IRL homeschool friends do not follow your same style?
Rose says
Yes! I’m new to homeschooling, and I guess I lived in my own little bubble while I selected our curriculum choices and hodge-podged them together. Then I finally joined a group and they were all using different boxed all-in-one curricula (and were experienced hs’ers). I felt like an idiot at that meeting, but my choices were selected on my kids’ strengths, and they are fitting well with our family, so I’m grateful that I lived in a bubble for awhile or I surely would have caved to peer pressure!
Sharron says
I know exactly how you feel! It’s part of why I quit going. It just wasn’t worth the time it seemed like. That’s what I love about the internet. Blogs by moms who school differently have truly been a God send for us. I have one good friend who has the same philosophy as we do, but most of my IRL friends, (and the ones I see all the time at church) I call “homeschool nazis”! LOL
Dawn says
Jimmie, you sound like a lady who is very comfortable with the way she teaches her child. 🙂 I’ve spent my life not “fitting in” anywhere. I have many things in common with other homeschoolers, but I’m too eclectic, too relaxed, too unconcerned with meeting a status quo or current political stances or… you name it. Add to that the fact that we have special needs (one with dysgraphia/severe fine motor delays, one with mild autism & major communication/writing delays) and you get me: The mom who meets herself coming AND going. Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels in slow motion while other moms walk past me, but I look at my boys and I see… I KNOW… that they are gaining ground all the time, and I am doing what I need to do for them. And I’ve reached the point now where I am comfortable doing what we do, the way we do it. That’s all that really matters, right?
Toni says
You bet I feel like an oddball sometimes. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company and just do school as it fits our lives. I’ve tried for a few years to fit into the rigid structure that others seem to think is the only way to homeschool and I’ve come to the conclussion that I just need to do what works for our family and leave it at that. Not always the easiest thing to do, but it does help to elimate headaches of trying to ‘fit in’.
Claire says
Do you feel this more since you moved back to America? I moved from the coast in Northern Ireland (out in the country) to near London, England 3 years ago and I feel very different since moving here. The pressure to achieve, to be busy and fill your day with ‘useful’ activities and have the lastest of everything almost overpowers me sometimes. Gary and I constantly have to review OUR goals for OUR family, and to activly choose to pursue those goals not the ones everyone seems to want to set for us. I just try to remember God gave us these particular children and He must have known what He was doing. I just need to cover our school in prayer and follow where my heart leads (often in the opposite direction of everyone else!)
Please know that when I first started out homeschooling over 6 years ago you kept me going when I didn’t have a clue what I was doing!
Sarah says
As a creative soul myself having lived in the traditional school setting I say you are doing your daughter a great service by allowing her space, time and freedom to creatively learn. Creativity needs room to work in. Creativity despite what well meaning others say really thrives in isolation. Groups can often smother the slender reed of a newly creative idea and it never fully grows or matures and a calling can be snuffed out. In isolation there is time, freedom and room to see what if. As you stand guard and prevent this from being taken away your daughter you are giving her a precious gift. I applaud you!
Sarah says
How do I handle the other who do it differently? In small doses and when I am rattled or thrown off course I return to the rudiments which strike a chord in my own heart and dig into them again. I originally chose this path for good reasons and I recall them. I revel again in them and I separate from the others for a time. Not because thy are wrong and I am right but because this is my road to walk and as the poet says: I took the road less traveled by and it has made all the difference FOR ME.
Mary says
Wow — look at all these comments. I think you have struck a chord.
There are times when I do feel like an oddball – that is when I’m sitting with a group of other homeschoolers and the moms are talking about their curriculum or the latest academic co-op that has started and all of the academic classes their children are taking.
While we are a little more “mainstream” this year, I do still lean in the unschool direction on certain occasions. I don’t fall into the Abeka camp that so many people in our area do (thank goodness – I think my kids would glaze over at all the textbooks written by committee).
My strength is found in a couple of friends here that “get me” – and we have similar methods for educating our children. We get together often, send articles back and forth, and encourage each other. I consider it a huge blessing to have them in my life.
Jimmie, you are so NOT an oddball — well, maybe an oddball in the sense that you aren’t buying into what the world tells us our children need to know. And that my friend, is a GOOD thing.
So glad to have gotten to know you and learn from you. I can’t wait to meet you in January.
Laurie says
I think I’m one of the “online buddies” that homeschools very similarly to you! And yes, I always feel like an oddball in real-life homeschool groups! We’re just the best of the best. How ’bout that? 😉
Elizabeth says
Jimmy, I’ve been the oddball out for over 15 years now, for some of the ame reasons. We school without grade structure, based on each childs individual ability and learning style. I don’t do support groups or coops, partly because it’s no benefit if you’re not being supported! Also, for various reasons, spending time at these get togethers was too much stress and spreading myself too thin.
The thing that keeps me going and tells me that my children are growing to be mature people with godly character are the compliments I continually receive concerning them. ‘You’ve done a great job!’, ‘You’re kids are so smart!’ and ‘You’re doing it right!’ are the support that keeps me going. After all, the goal is to raise children who will ‘love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, strength and mind’. The academics are tools that teach them to be able to communicate that character to the world around them.
I’m so thankful for the ability we ‘oddballs’ have to support one another via the internet.
Keep strong and keep pressing on in the good fight!
Judy says
I tend to feel like a homeschooling oddball, but for different reasons. Our family’s learning style is much more traditional than is popular among many homeschoolers today–NOT because I think traditional is “better,” but because it works for teaching a larger family (grades 11, 9, 8, 6, 3/4, and pre-K).
The general consensus seems to be that traditional methods are an easy way out for the parent, and a dismal failure for the student. The fact is that most of my children prefer a more structured learning style, but then go on to pursue their own interests in depth.
I applaud those of you who can follow a more creative learning path, and I’m always looking for ways to blend your natural learning styles with our more traditional one. And at the end of the day I’m still confident that I’m giving my children the very best that I possibly can.
Jimmie Lanley says
Judy, I really appreciate your input on this. I can really understand how having more children would necessitate a more structured approach for homeschool (and housekeeping too). Fortunately God put my creative child in this perfect environment where we can be loosey goosey.
I certainly do not mean to criticize anyone else for her homeschool choices. I know that you are giving your children a quality education!
Judy says
Oh, my, Jimmie–I didn’t mean to sound like I felt that you were critical of other choices AT ALL! I was just thinking aloud about the variety of reasons that can cause us to feel like the odd mom out, you know?
(I actually DO feel like an oddball because I don’t do fabulous creative things with my kids–totally the opposite reason that you mentioned for feeling like an oddball at times.)
I’m so sorry if I sounded defensive. It was truly the farthest thing from my intentions.
Kelly says
Yeah, I’m an oddball . However, there are times I wish someone just understood, without having to explain anything.
Julie says
Thanks so much for this post! My oldest daughter is just 4, but I’m already finding that we’re far too relaxed to fit in with “traditional” homeschoolers, yet too structured to be true unschoolers. It’s good to be reminded that we don’t have to “fit in.” At the end of the day, if it works for our kids and our family, it’s all good.
Karen says
SO many of the points you make are exactly how we homeschool. So many that I could have written this post. Of course not as eloquently as you. 🙂 As far as my ‘homeschool’ friends, my immediate circle of friends are all different. We have radical unschoolers, buy the curriculum and stick to it no matter what and us who are in the middle. In the ‘grand scheme’ of homeschoolers in our area we are more ‘relaxed’ than most I think. However I have noticed a huge trend among homeschoolers blogs I read to be less structured.
I also wanted to thank you. You have inspired me more than you know with Notebooking. Keilee is honestly LOVING it. She makes her own from start to finish and they are so creative and wonderful. Your blog gave me the confidence to do this after dabbling for years.
Tabitha (a.k.a. Penny) says
You know what makes me an oddball-homeschooler in my area? (You are going to LOVE this…) We don’t use Abeka. LOL
“Really? You don’t use Abeka? But it is soooo advanced and my children REALLY enjoy it.”
I want to scream, “How nice for you! And, just in case you didn’t think I caught that, thanks for insinuating that your children are more intelligent than mine. Didn’t realize that homeschooling was a competition.”
JC says
I am very thankful to have found such a great group in this small town in the woods of Arkansas. Compared to surrounding counties we are a very small group. There are many different styles among our group so we don’t talk so much about curriculum choices except to ask for help if something we are using is not working for one of our kids. The best thing is that there is one other mom in the group who has a similar way of thinking about all of this and God seems to be bringing us to many of the same philosophies over time. We even share/borrow curriculum from time to time. Its a more enjoyable ride when you have great companionship. I find that the more I enjoy life and what I am doing the less of an oddball I feel. The more confident I am in my choices the less I worry about what others are doing. Grace is definitely the key but to give it you have to be getting it from somewhere first so that it just flows naturally toward others. I didn’t always feel comfortable and most of my life I’ve felt like the oddball. However, the more confident I become in how the Lord see’s me the less I feel odd around others because HIS opinion is all that really rates.
Amanda says
Well, let me tell you… I feel like an oddball even reading how you homeschool 🙂 This is my first year, and I have no clue what I’m doing!! I don’t know about methods, I don’t really understand Charlotte Mason (although that’s what I think I am supposed to be doing), I have no schedule whatsoever, the kids (ages 1,3, and 5) basically play outside all day until I feel an opportune time to try and ‘teach’, if that’s what you want to call it 🙂 I’ve felt like a total failure at times and want to give up, but then in my heart I know it’s the right thing. I tried the traditional way for a week, and hated it!!! Wow, was that exhausting for everyone!! My son actually loves ‘school’ and wouldn’t trade our odd way of ‘teaching’ for anything. Thanks for writing this, I need to hear that other people don’t teach and do workbooks from 9am until 1pm every day on a rigid schedule… I feel like I’m in hiding and afraid to admit I don’t actually have a schedule… my friends are afraid to call because they might interrupt our lessons and I don’t have the guts to tell them how laid back we are 🙂
Kim says
To Kim H. – That is not necessarily so! My son completely goes blank when put on the spot. I know he knows the answer, but some people are just not good at taking tests. So don’t feel you are “doing it all wrong” if your daughter gets a bad score. There might be things on the test you haven’t even gone over yet, so she won’t know it. That won’t mean that you failed your daughter – you will get to it sooner or later. Tests will not reflect what you and your daughter learn together each day, but you will know in your heart that you are doing what is best for her to the best of your ability; then let God take care of the rest. Trust me, your confidence will grow as you continue your homeschool journey.
Simply Homeschooled says
Oh yeah I am an oddball and moved to a new area 2 years ago, have no friends in the area. I started a group when we first moved here as the only few available here I had to sign a testimant of faith but I am not Christian. I was an oddball for the way we unschool/homeschool and when they found out later I was more pagan in nature they kicked me out of my own group after using my group for all their members to get all their contact info for………it was very hurtful and even after a year due to them spreading it all over a small town their children are unsafe around me due to my spirituality we have no chance of ever belonging to a homeschool group it broke my daughters heart.
It makes it hard and it can get very lonely……….the kids at least do have one neighbor with a boy and girl my kids are friens with so that is at least something.
I decided to forget homeschool groups and concentrate on activities that place my kids with others such as art workshops run by our local art gallery in the summer and such. My son is harder as he don’t like many group activities like sports or anything.
Heather says
Right there with ya Jimmie! I think that often…I don’t know if it’s my fiercely independent self or what, but our homeschool looks very different. Hey- if you are already walking outside convention why stop at just homeschooling? Homeschool the same way…outside the box.
Heather
Amber says
Sometimes. Not all the time. I have good friends and we’re almost all eclectic and picking and choosing our own things so we’re all very supportive of each other doing their own picking and choosing. Sometimes though, someone comes along, or a conversation comes along and I start feeling like I’m sounding like that homeschool weirdo. “Oh, my six year old son has no interest in reading so I’m not making him yet, but he’s learning math just by talking about it so I’m good.” *(<–wow, they must think I'm nutz…)* I try not to worry about what other people think, especially if their son really did start reading at 3 and they think I'm crazy. =p
Kristina says
Jimmie, I’ve never commented on here before but I’ve read your blog and other sites for a couple of years. Let me say this is so refreshing to hear. I’ve had to become more of a loosly structured mom lately because I have a special needs son, so lots of appointments and every week holds something new. Some days I feel like I’m ruining my kids because their schedules change all the time. I really need to remember that they are really learning so much because of where we are in life right now! And that’s just as important. They may not be able to do ten subjects per day but they know all about trachs and pulminary issues! Thank you for your heart warming post. God bless you. Kristina
Eddie - The Usual Mayhem says
I know very few homeschoolers in real life. When I have met some others, I feel like a complete oddball.
I’m also pretty shy, so when they start expounding unasked about their belief that every child should be doing a rigid workbook system from 9 am to 5 pm, or that anyone who uses any curriculum or disciplines their child in any way is damaging them for life, I just freeze and hope they go away soon.
I think my least favourite question from people is “But you have them tested, right? You must have the schools test them!” Why? I homeschool because I think the schools here are doing an awful job of it.
Thanks for writing this, Jimmie!
Theresa says
It’s so funny, where we live (NJ) more people tend to have no books, no structure, no writing and just let their kids do their own thing and trust they will learn. Some people do field trips every day. I am more structured than they are…then in the blog world I find that although I am a Christian, I am not as conservative as a lot of bloggers…it’s like I don’t fit anywhere! lol.
Rhonda says
Oddball – schmoddball! My husband always smiles and is happy for me that I march to my own drummer. Our homeschooling choice is no different. Teaching methods – Schmeaching methods. It’s what works for you and more importantly for your child! Afterall we are raising adults, adults who need to be able to think for themselves. I hear the comments advocating for testing, grading, scheduling and all that from the members of the group I am in. I just smile and cheer them on in their choices and keep on going my own way. It works for us. 🙂
Stefani Carmichael says
I wonder if all homeschool families seem like oddballs. I am a bit more “traditional” than you are, but I am still figuring it all out. I don’t know many homeschool families that look alike. I felt a lot of friction in a group I was in because I felt like we were all homeschooling for different reasons, and so we all had different priorities and philosophies. Then I remembered that this is why I am doing this to begin with 🙂
Melinda says
I feel the same way within my local home school community. I don’t know too many other home school families but we are definitely the oddballs when it comes to that. We use a variety of curriculum but we don’t adhere to a schedule or do co-ops, etc. It’s refreshing and encouraging to know we’re in good company!
Silvia says
I had a trip reading this post! I totally identify with you… how do I do? As a foreigner I am used to be regarded as odd, and then I have a great close in distance and heart friend who is as odd as me, ha ha ha, and much of the old people at church and other places I find, seem to regard this odd as wonderful… then I have YOU and the other blogs, and for the low moment, I feel a bit bad for a few minutes, and then there is always something wonderful around me that makes me snap out of it and brings me back to enjoying the day and not caring about the differences and the looks of disapproval. Some other times people are drawn to what they hear, and they are genuinely looking for a change.
Quinn says
Thanks so much for this post! As a fellow oddball, it really resonated with me. Not surprising since a year ago I wrote about how we do school and it took me a year to get the guts to post it. 🙂
Cori says
I’ve met several people locally who at least *know* who Charlotte Mason is, and a few others who loosely follow the method. I’ve gotten comfortable with my oddball status and don’t notice it so much anymore. You see, no other family is like ours. No other family has our twist to CM education, no other family likes the same activities, and no other family has a work schedule like my husband. So unless we find a co-worker of his, who homeschools likes we do, and likes the same things, we’ll never find a family even remotely close to us. What we have found is people who like some of the same activities, or someone who has the same educational style as mine but does not have children the same age, etc. Bits and pieces. It works. It’s nice to know other oddballs. Many of the people I really click with are on-line. 🙂