Today I want to shatter the stereotype of the bookish homeschool kid. Guess what? Not all homeschooled children like to read.
Yes, it’s the truth. And my daughter is one of those.
My daughter doesn’t like to read.
Making it a big heading like that makes me feel better, like I’m confessing a dark secret that is too shameful to be spoken aloud.
The fact that Emma dislikes reading is a huge disappointment of mine and sometimes makes me feel like a failure as a homeschool mom. We assume that surrounding our children with an environment rich in books, magazines, newspapers, and maps will result in a child who loves to read. I read to Emma from her birth, and she had her own bookcase full of board books before she could walk. I honestly did my part.
And yet the truth is that she dislikes reading.
My daughter has many talents and strengths, and she can read just fine. She is not a struggling reader. But she does not chose to read for recreation. Reading is not her preferred method for learning.
As I child, I was a voracious reader, and it’s hard for me to understand how she does not enjoy such a simple pleasure of getting lost in a good story. She loves being read to and listening to audio books, though, so it’s not as if she hates books altogether.
I’ve offered all kinds of books through the years thinking that she simply hadn’t found the genre that suited her — fantasy, mystery, adventure, historic fiction. In early years, I even allowed her to even read a some twaddle to encourage that love of reading. But it never clicked. She has never chosen to read of her own accord without my prompting or forcing. Emma is going into high school this fall, and I have finally come to accept that she is simply not a person who loves to read.
But let me tell you the revelation I’ve had.
It’s Okay Not to Like Reading
I confided to my friend Stacey Lane that Emma doesn’t like reading. She said, “I like Emma!” I was surprised and asked if she meant that she liked her because she didn’t like to read. Stacey said something very profound.
Yes, I like her because she is like me. I don’t like to read either. What’s wrong with not liking to read? Everyone doesn’t have to like to read.
It was as if she had smacked me with her radical thought. I froze for a minute thinking of what she had said — it’s okay not to like reading.
After all, my daughter doesn’t like sports, and I feel no sadness over that. She prefers foreign language, art, and music over history and science. And I’m okay with that. I feel no shame or sense of failure there. So why does it bother me that she dislikes reading?
Stacey’s words helped me realize that I harbor a prejudice against non-readers. And it’s silly. I can let her not like reading without interpreting it as a failure on my part or thinking she’s less intelligent.
She is unique. She is wonderful. And who she is does not include (right now) reading books for pleasure.
Maybe one day she will awaken to a love of reading. She certainly loves literature and books. After all, she spent hours on the road to Cincinnati Great Homeschool Convention listening to the audio version of A Tale of Two Cities. She understood it, enjoyed it. It’s just the task of reading that she dislikes.
If you have a child who dislikes reading, do not consider that the scarlet letter of homeschool failure. It is not. Not at all.
How to Handle a Child Who Dislikes Reading
Require Daily Reading Time
I still think that “readers are leaders.” And just because Emma doesn’t like reading doesn’t mean that she gets a free pass. She must read. In fact, I am probably more diligent to enforce reading time because she dislikes it. I make her use a reading log to record her time or pages.
Allow for Modifications
I still read a good bit of her history and science to her, and we rely on audio resources for teaching (Teaching Texbooks for math, for example). I will not allow her distaste for reading to keep her from learning. There are other ways to absorb content besides reading it.
Keep the Flow of Resources
I still take her to the library and buy her magazine subscriptions to encourage leisure reading. I’m not giving up, but I am releasing my prejudice and shame.
Recognize and Invest in Passions
My daughter has other talents and passions that are equally as important as reading. Instead of harping on her distaste for reading, I need to invest in her love of art, music, and foreign language. (And I do!) I need to build her up as the creative, brilliant young woman that she is instead of worrying about reading as if it is the single factor of academic success.
Yes, I realize that children who are strong readers do better in school, but that is because school is set up to be based on reading. Our school looks different. We homeschool precisely for this reason — to make her education work for her strengths not against them.
Be Honest
I have explained to Emma that not enjoying reading may make college a huge challenge. She will have to compensate with great note taking skills during class lectures. And I often remind her that God chose the written word to reveal himself to mankind. So we have a duty to read well so that we can enjoy the Bible independently of preachers or teachers.
If you have a child who doesn’t like reading, by all means, keep trying! But in the meantime, accept your child for who he or she is. It’s okay not to like to read.
What made reading unenjoyable for me was being forced to read bout things I wasn’t interested in. So it’s not just if they like reading, it’s also what type of reading material they have access to.
I was most definitely NOT a reader growing up. Though I graduated in the top 4% of my class, my reading level had been below each grade-level from 1st grade onward.
Then in high school I wholeheartedly gave my life to following Christ. I was so eager to learn that I started reading anything I could get my hands on, including scripture for the first time.
Even now (25+yrs later) my discipleship has led me to reading those old classics which my reading level never even touched; some quite lengthy novels as well. I am most definitely a reader now.
Maybe Emma still will become a reader when all the “required learning” quiets down in her life. (And if not, that’s okay too.)
I have a method that worked well to help my non-readers through the literature heavy classes. It seems silly now that I’m writing it down, and it may not work for everyone, but for us it was great! I found lots and lots of links for free ebooks, and I downloaded books to go along with the reading material so that they could read along. You can find almost anything. It helped one child “get through it” and it helped another actually learn to love to read.
Thank you ever so much for this post! Reading is one of those things that would be almost like taking away my daily food, but it is NOT for my daughter, and this has been a big disappointment of mine (not in HER, though, just that I wish she would know the pleasure I do from reading!). I have wondered often where I went wrong.
I think you’re spot on in pointing out that it may be the task of reading that is the hang-up. Carli would simply rather be outside, exploring the creek or climbing trees. She loves when I read aloud, and if I can find books from our “Free Read” list on audio, she doesn’t mind that, as long as she can be doing something else while she listens. She loves the library and will carry around big stacks of books , but then read only a page or two before setting it aside. We do 30-minute reading time every night, so she’s still getting the practice (and I guess hope springs eternal), but this post has put things into perspective for me. Thank you!
Thank you so much for posting this! I deal with the assumption all the time that homeschooled kids are bookworms and it’s very annoying. I was a huge bookworm as a kid, but my kids are not. One dislikes reading, despite being read to since she was a few months old. The other likes to read and does so a pretty high level, but she only likes to be inactive with her nose in a book for a limited amount of time. Each child has different interests that include art, music, athletics, singing and being creative/dramatic.
It was huge mental hurdle for me this year to provide graphic novels for my 9 year old, but the reality is, she is a visual kid who will devour a graphic novel for over an hour, but read a text intensive beginning chapter book for 10 mins….tops. I’ve always had a prejudice against “comics” but the reality is if that is what will get her to read willingly, then I’ll do it. Maybe she’ll never read novels for pleasure and I’m ok with that. She’ll be busy doing the things she loves – drawing, painting, sculpting and sewing.
I understand you. I am like you. I am a voracious reader, and I do not understand how some will not like reading frequently and have a full, rich life. One of my two girls is not as strong and avid reader as I am. Even though she reads on her own, trust me, I was at a time not going to be satisfied with less than what I consider optimal levels (longer time, harder books…)
That difference in how we view reading has disappointed me for too long, LOL. Now I have moved on. I am enjoying who she is, encouraging her in her talents, and feeling grateful for her love for living books, even if in audio or when she is read to, and letting go of an ideal that it is absurd and not congruent with a healthy view of education.
🙂 I forgot to click on follow comments
I am so blessed to “stumble” upon your website and link to FB. God is always faithful! I am excited to be in the loop with you thank you for all your sharing I wouldn’t know where to begin! Blessings <3
Thank you so much for this post! As the homeschool Mom of three daughters, two of which LOVE to read, I was dismayed to find that my youngest does not have the same passion for the written word. Like your Emma, she loves Art, music, Art, Art and Art!
This has blessed me. Thank you!
I’m reading this 2 years or so after you wrote it. THANK YOU! I am a voracious reader, and my daughter does not like it at all. She was read to from birth, and my house is full of books. She loves being read to and listens to audio books for hours a day. I appreciate you sharing your experience!
This is a great article! I have four children ranging from 10-17. We also homeschool and to be quite honest, none of them enjoy reading. It has been a struggle for me and very disheartening, but reading about others who are experiencing the same issue, helps me to keep encouraging my children to read. With the help of my leadership business, I’ve tried to incorporate what was suggested in one of our audios…15 minutes a day reading time for the family. We fall off track sometimes, but that’s my goal. I turn on my phone timer and we read! Like it or not! Thanks again for the encouragement!
I am reading this post years after it was published at it has helped me a great deal. My daughter is only (recently turned) eight. She loves listening to me read, listening to an audiobook at night, and looking at books, but not reading to herself. I am/was sad about this because I loved reading at her age and still do. I felt/was feeling like a failure for not being able to instill a love of reading into her as I did her older (now 22 year old) sister. Now only was I comparing her to others (a huge mistake), I was also not giving enough recognition to the fact that she is artist; she loves drawing. That is not me so I discounted it for some reason. Anyway thank you for helping me see that it’s okay if my daughter has not yet developed or never develops a love of reading. 🙂
Beth, your comment means so much! I’m glad that you have come to peace with your daughter’s gifts. Reading is not the holy grail. It’s great! But there are so many additional talents, abilities, and hobbies that matter too.
There is a condition called Convergence Insufficiency which makes reading more work than fun. It’s when your eyes don’t focus well on a single point (like a word on a page) and so your brain has to work harder to read. It can result in eye strain when reading and difficulty staying focused. My daughter was never a reader, either. She was always good in math, so I just figured that was her strong suit. Now in her early 30’s, she went to the eye doctor for headaches and eye strain and received this diagnosis. It was a relief to finally know why she hated reading. There is treatment for it, so I would recommend having your daughter tested. Make sure your eye doctor is familiar with the condition, as it is relatively new. I have five children and three were reluctant readers. I still have one at home and plan on having him tested soon.
Thank you, thank you, for this post! I felt like I was reading my own journal… I grew up (and still am) reading like there was no tomorrow. But my sweet middle kiddo, a teen girl, never latched on. Our best years were the “read aloud” years of C.S. Lewis’ series. It has impacted how I homeschool her though, because we don’t attack big texts and discuss them the way I did with my oldest daughter. It even seems to affect our mother/daughter relationship because I am SUCH a reader and she is not. Thank you for all you’ve said here. I’m going to re-read it and question myself about my biases.
I’m a 70 year year old guy and I really hated reading. The reason is I rebelled because the teacher I had kept telling us kids how important reading is. I didn’t like being told what to do, I was very independent. The non reading went on all my life, I did lousy in high school and felt they only passed me to get me out of school. The same was college, I did fine for a two year degree, but still hate reading. My two boys did fine one became an engineer and my other guy is in law enforcement. But they do read well.
If at all possible help your kids with reading. I still don’t read and blame my grade school teacher for constantly ragging on me to read books.
Don’t worry about your children not reading. Just read to the child maybe your kids would rather listen than read, be patient and help with home work. Also the teachers will help with ideas you can use. Good luck, remember love your kids give hugs there special.