Edited to add: I have to share the irony of my blogging blunder. My post was live and being shared via social media, and I suddenly realized I never added an image. This is one of the cardinal rules of blogging: always have an image or graphic. And I forgot. Imperfect Homeschool and Imperfect Blogging. (But now there’s a nice pinnable graphic for you.)
Blogging is a tricky thing. I want to be uplifting. I don’t want to be a whiner or complainer. And ranting or arguing online is just not my style. That means that the content on this blog stays pretty upbeat and focused on mostly uncontroversial topics.
That might lead you to believe that my life is all roses and picture perfect homeschool projects. That would be wrong.
I choose not to write about the disappointments and failures because I don’t think they will help to build you up. However, sometimes this rosy picture a homeschool blogger paints may work the opposite result. Some readers don’t know that there is a fumbling man (or woman, in this case) behind the curtain, pulling switches and pushing levers to make the magic happen.
So it’s confession time. Here’s the real deal, not all of it because, goodness, I want you to keep reading and the whole bag of reality might be way too disillusioning.
1. My daughter does not like to read.
I wrote an entire post about my daughter’s distaste for reading and how I’ve come to terms with it. It’s okay not to love reading. Really.
2. Sometimes my daughter doesn’t use the printables I create.
As a toddler Emma preferred plain paper to coloring books. She has simply never been a color in the lines kind of kid. She’s more of a give me a pack of 24 oil pastels and stand back while I make some lines kind of kid.
So a lot of the time, she looks at my printable pages as one of many potential ways to express her thoughts. She might take an idea from my layout, but often she rejects my plan and comes up with her own. And I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m quite proud of her for making the work her own.
I used to worry that she wouldn’t be able to fit in, to adapt to outside direction, to color inside the lines, so to speak. But really? Those things are far easier than coming up with original ideas. She can conform when necessary. Creativity is much harder to generate than conformity. So I let her be creative.
I really like making the printables, so I share them with you even when Emma rejects them.
3. Sometimes we fall off the bandwagon and get really lax.
I hinted at this in my WAHM (work at home mom) post. When Emma had her big surgery, it took us a long, long time to get back into the school groove. Then we moved, and that was yet another distraction. It was really easy to let school slide into a bare minimum that let me honestly say that we did school while not really investing a lot of brain power.
Sometimes I toy with the idea of becoming unschoolers, and to be honest, there were a few weeks when we really were. Sometimes I throw out Charlotte Mason’s principles and do it my way.
I don’t feel guilty about our lax weeks. There are seasons for everything. But it does make it hard to have material for a homeschool blog when you aren’t doing more than some Rosetta Stone lessons, reading a novel from Heritage History, and doing Teaching Textbooks math.
The solution for us is normally using a new book or resource that injects energy back into our routine.
4. I don’t fit into my local homeschool group and they don’t even know I’m a homeschool blogger.
Surprised? When I went to the Cincinnati Great Homeschool Convention and Real Refreshment Retreats and saw readers and fellow bloggers who consider me famous, it cracked me up. Only a few ladies at my church know about my online work. No one in my homeschool group considers me an expert or a celebrity. I’ve only been here two years, and it felt awkward to come in like a movie star, claiming to be an expert with a fancy blog and multiple ebooks. So I said nothing. And no one asked.
And I really am a misfit here. Most of the homeschoolers in this area are either a very rigorous classical style or a traditional “school at home” textbook style. Neither fits me. My style of Charlotte Mason education looks more like unschooling in contrast to the homeschoolers around me.
5. My daughter often wants to finish school more than she wants to learn.
Yes, this is the sad truth. Along with not loving to read, this urgency to get school done for the day breaks my heart. Where is the passion for learning that I saw in my little third grader?
Actually it is still there, but it is reserved for the things she is truly passionate about, not the things I select for her or that the state deems required. Her desire to get done is normal for her age and not something I should take personally as an insult or as an indicator of failure.
We do have days when school is a chore. But we have days when it is enjoyable too. Humans have moods. (Teenage girls and 40-something moms have moods!) And it’s ridiculous to think that we should both be excited to do our studies every single day. Some days you just plod through. It’s okay. It’s life. In the grand scheme of things, I believe I am instilling a love of learning and a curiosity about the world that will serve her well.
So do you feel better, knowing these insider secrets? Do you now know without a shadow of a doubt that we are normal people with good days and bad days, personal strengths and quirks? We are just like you — imperfect homeschoolers.
Read more stories of imperfections from other very real homeschool moms.
#4 = I love you, Jimmie.
You know I understand this.
I love your heart and your words here. My kids sometimes don’t use my printables, either! 🙂
Ditto ;’>
I like the positive view you took with your daughter going her own route with your printables. I recently has an incident where my daughter didn’t care for what I had prepared for an activity and completely tweaked it for her tastes. Sadly, my first reaction was to feel rejected and upset. Luckily I didn’t show it to her because I did think what she came up with was pretty cool; but my initial reaction was to be hurt. You’re right though- creativity and thinking outside the box are traits to be encouraged. I don’t need to take it personally.
It is hard when you don’t fit in. That seems to be the situation we are facing here. All the other homeschoolers are either super strict traditional curriculum types or they are only homeschooling while they are here and plan to go back to public school next year – so they keep up with the school schedule.
We are way out in left field doing our own thang.
THANK YOU, Jimmie. I could have written a lot of this post the same way. It’s very comforting to know that I’m not alone!
This is probably one of my favorite posts of yours. No, we don’t want to whine and yes, we want to encourage. When we don’t fit in…and share that – its’ when we realize so many do not. Thank you for being open and honest here.
Thank you for your honesty & transparency Jimmie! Your homeschooling blog is the ONLY one I read regularly(I’ve been reading it for years); I believe this is because your real-ness comes through in your writing. Thank you. None of us are perfect, but so many bloggers paint such a rosy (too good to be true) picture, that I feel pulled down emotionally when I read their posts. This is not w/you! I’ve been homeschooling for 12 years and I’ve never quite felt like I fit in either. I have a Charlotte Mason philosophy as well though I must admit that it is hard to keep to in high school! My children are both extremely creative & quite successful in their areas of interest….however, sometimes I feel like such a failure when they can’t wait to get “school” done so they can pursue their passions too or when friends are discussing their brilliant at math son who is the same age as your son and just finished Calculus & a college Associate degree! Thank you so much for your openness & honesty and for continuing to blog & encourage other homeschoolers!
{{{hugs}}} for your honesty, for this hard post, and because behind your words are the precious (and probably painful) moments of surrender and acceptance.
As a former dynamic and highly effective school teacher used to achieving objectives and motivating entire classrooms full of children, and it must take a real process to realize that working with one’s own child does not automatically guarantee the same results.
I homeschool my 3 daughters and each one is teaching me to let go of many of my teaching & homeschooling dreams, ideals and standards, and focus on our relationship.
I believe that I am to keep aiming for my children’s hearts, creating and deepening grace-filled relationships with them, so that I can count everything else inconsequential … imperfect … but what a privilege! Many of us are experiencing similar realities.Thank you for sharing your gritty truth with us. (And you still are our famous celebrity!)
Love it. Real. Thank you. Blessings and Smiles, Renelle
A perfect list, I would say. I am betting that we all could relate to every point on it.
Thank you for your transparency. I love that you are not a whiner or complainer on your blog. We all have our ups and downs, but your overall positive posts encourage me to press on and enjoy my children and this crazy thing called homeschooling.
I love this post Jimmie! I feel EXACTLY the same about not whining and complaining when I write…but then you don’t want to give the wrong impression. So true. I also feel like a misfit locally too at times, and only recently when I spoke at my state convention, those that knew me form co-ops, etc. were like, “YOU do this??” Ha! Thanks for sharing an inside peek. Love it.
This is good stuff…thanks for sharing from your heart once again. I lay awake nights – sleepless, pondering our less than perfect homeschool days. I love to have a full day of ‘table school’ with fun projects and lessons and all the subjects neatly blending together. But most days are far from that. The children are taking care of 4-H lambs, reading books on the fly, gardening, working for others, going here and there for a music lesson, being picked up at odd times of the day to just have time with friends while we are getting ready for our oldest son’s wedding! Gone are the elementary school days..I call them the ‘golden age’ of homeschooling when things were so much simpler and we all sat around the table and did history together!! Sad face here. Thanks again for sharing so honestly.
I have struggled with this same thing when I blogged or even on my fb page. And yet, when I see someone else’s all upbeat blog or fb page I wonder what’s wrong with me. Thank you for the reminder. The reality is that we wouldn’t want to read the negative all the time and that “keeping it real” is a struggle in balance we don’t always have the energy to fund.
And as for fitting it… it can be tough to hold to your own when it feels so different than everyone else. But our job is to do in our own situation. We can learn from others but we can never be them. We have our own paths to follow.
Thank you for sharing this! It was timely for me. And we do need to remind and encourage each other that the path isn’t always smooth and beautiful but it’s ours and we are doing just fine. 🙂
Thanks for this post, it was most timely for what WE are going through right now. It IS always helpful to me to know that others struggle, too. We live just north of Memphis and are Charlotte Mason Homeschoolers. Like you, my homeschool group is rather eclectic, but I think I’m the only hardcore CMer. I follow your blog (since I’m a relatively new homeschooler and CMer) because I want to see how other CMers do school. Thank you for blogging and sharing your life. It IS helpful.
Believe it or not, this revelation is very uplifting. It’s good to know our house is normal, and that it is possible to remain positive when the going gets rough. After 20+ years of being a pirncipal-teacher (both jobs at the same time) I now home school my grandson. There are many days when I feel very old at the end of classes (How can one little kid do that?!), but I wouldn’t trade this privilege for the world. Thanks for the reality check.
Thanks, Jimmie. I’m sure many of us seasoned homeschoolers were very able to read between the lines and know you have had your struggles, too, but it’s still a great encouragement to us, as well as the newer homeschoolers, when a little of the reality is communicated. Not enough to turn anyone off or cause them to think it’s impossible to accomplish anything, but just enough to say, ‘we’re normal-not perfect’. I have had to let go of a lot of things, as well as ‘learn’ new ways of communicating and teaching my children. Always a necessary thing in a large homeschooling family where there are several personality types and learning styles. No one way is the way.
We’re in a bit of an ‘unschool’ time here, ourselves, and it’s starting to discourage me, but I know the big projects we have going need our attention, so we are valuing the life lessons that are learnable at this time as a part of them. And sometime, on the other side of it all, I may actually find myself saying those life lessons were just what we needed at the time!
Thank you Jimmie,
I started to read your blogs because you were in China and homeschooling and I’ve continued reading them because they speak to my heart. Thank you for posting this and letting all of us know that it is okay to let live enter into the homeschooling day. Sometimes in your day you just have to ‘chilax’ and enjoy the journey.
Thanks and Blessings,
Toni
Love your blog, always! I really appreciate the honesty and transparency in this particular post. I have often felt like an outsider as well. I always thought that wouldn’t be the case in homeschooling, but many still stick to the strict “school at home ” approach which I can’t relate to. Raising kids isn’t easy. Homeschooling isn’t easy. But, the lifelong benefits (even with) all the struggles and sacrifices will be more than worth it.
Have you been looking in our windows? This has summed up our homeschooling experience. Not always but most of the time. 🙂 What really counts in my opinion is we keep moving on.
Darla
I love knowing your secrets, and I cracked up a little bit because I went to our local homeschool association’s curriculum fair, and while people recognized me as “Joan from the newspaper column,” two different people came up and said they recognized me from either Our School at Home or the personal-finance blog I write for, Man Vs. Debt. And I giggled, because most of the people there who are “experts” in our area are not bloggers, nor do they read blogs, and they were like, “Who IS this chick?” But, like you said, they didn’t ask, and I didn’t offer, because how do you say that without sounding like a freak? “I’m kind of a minor big deal on the internet?” 😉
As an aside, of course, I feel like I am not even a minor big deal, but you know what I mean. 🙂
My local homeschool group is mostly very classical, too. A few CM-ish, but few as relaxed as we are. And oh yeah: we’ve all got moods!
Thank you so much for this. I am not a blogger because I know I would be the one whining and complaining –being too real can be not so good also. But, the short time I have read your blog I have never seen whining and complaining. I’ve enjoyed reading your archives also and felt that you are encouraging and real.
In my area we do not have a Co-Op so, I sometimes feel that I may be missing something for the kids or myself so I greatly appreciate bloggers like you.
Great post! My friend and I were just having this conversation the other day…and, as was I reading this post she forwarded me a copy to me too! We hear you and agree — a delicate balancing act, but we appreciate when we are all keeping it real and that includes the good and the bad, the ups and the downs.
I like your imperfectness! I totally get it about not fitting in to the local hs group. I’d be such an outcast, but that for me is okay. I don’t want to be around that kind of bunch anyway! 😉
Jimmie- I LOVE this! I was just thinking today about writing more about our “unschooling” year of grace! Thanks for sharing your heart- I heart it 🙂
What? Jimmie isn’t perfect OR a local celebrity??? She’s like the rest of us? Oh my!
<3
Thanks for the great post.
It is sort of awkward to offer up ‘credentials’ when you first meet someone isn’t it? I remember when I first joined my homeschool support group a mom sweetly took me under her arm and told me that she was a veteran homeschooler of 5 years and wanted to help me out. I enjoyed our conversation and didn’t feel compelled to tell her of my blog, my speaking or my 27+ years of homeschool experience. lol. I actually think its nice to have a group where you can sort of fly under the radar. No home or homeschool mom is perfect and while I like to be upbeat and encouraging as well, it is always nice too to give a peak into our struggles as well!
Wonderful post!!! Although I’m totally stunned that the locals in Ohio haven’t heard of you. Do they live under rocks?
I personally find the posts about the realities of homeschooling to be the most uplifting and encouraging of all. Nothing like someone else’s perfection making you feel like you’re failing, especially for “newbies.”
Thank you.(deep sigh) Sometimes knowing you are not the only one who has ‘ not so perfect days’ is encouragement in itself. As much as I would like to believe that I am not bound rules…I do however wrestle with the comparison monster. Worry, comparison,and unrealistic expectations . They are not my friends but from time to time try to be my companions. I am not strictly classical, but I am rarely bound by textbooks( but need the skeleton for a guide post). I am eccelectic and that is ok. But it can be lonely at times and feel like I am my only sounding board. Thanks again for the transparency. Now lets all breathe and smile.
If it makes you feel like less of a misfit (or at least in a club!), I feel like I could have written this exact post. 🙂